Devaclis
Tue Jul 31st, 2007, 11:16 AM
Found this on another forum:
An open letter to the fuck tard drivers of Denver Colorado
To EVERY single person I passed today, I pose the following questions...
Is your head up your ass for the warmth? (Burt Gummer quote)
I fucking swear, no one in the entire state of Colorado is getting a blowjob today because ALL the cocksuckers are on the road this mourning and not a single one of the is driving like they've got a pair. Am I the only fucking person on the road who is on their way somewhere? Fuck. Are you just all out enjoying the scenery from the knuckle draggers point of view?
You know, that 25 miles per hour you were doing in the 45 mile per hour area is blistering and all, but tell you what, can you pull over and give me the number to the president of Retardia? I am sure he would want to know that you are serving as an exemplary representative of the people of your nation while you are here visiting America! What's that? You need to take a right hand fucking turn? Be sure to slow to a safe speed like 3 fucking cocklengths per hour while you're doing it. Don't just plunge into that turn, you're going to want to romance that shit! Maybe buy it some flowers, ask its fathers permission to enter it, give that fucking corner a proper god damned courtship.
A special shout goes out to all the people driving "Badass" cars (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#) like they are codling a vagina they just brought up from the ocean floor and cannot subject to even the slightest movement lest you jostle it too hard and cause it to fall apart...
To pretty much EVERY Mustang driver ever, nice car (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#), now fucking drive it.
To the driver of the black TransAm, the fact that you bought the shittiest, white trashiest sportscar available to man notwithstanding, please kindly turn down "Ain't seen nothing yet" and locate the gas pedal. Having a moderately fast car doesn't mean shit when someone in a Plymouth passes you like a $2 breakfast burrito in a middle aged secreteries intestinal system.
To all the women with the 2008 model SUVs (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#), congratulations on your new cock, I hope it makes up for the lifetime of truly incomprehensible injustices you've suffered as a female in America. Yes, it's true, women in the United States are by far the most disadvantaged group in the entire world and there is only one thing that can compensate for the $2 an hour less you are making than Ted who does the same job as you - A ridiculously oversized piece of shit you can barely drive. Rest assured, you may now compete in the "Mans World" and give all of us a run for our money, challenge our perceptions of what women can do and blaze new paths boldly with four wheel antilock brakes (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#), traction control (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#), GPS navigation and frosty ice cold air conditioning. By god, give us what for I say! That being said, once you're done with all that, I hope you can still find time to steer with your kneecap, applying 2 pounds of Mary Kay makeup while blathering on your fucking cell phone. Be sure to stop at Starbucks on your way by Krispy Krudd, all the while whining that you can't seem to lose weight.
To the driver of the pompously oversized crew cab (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#) F-150 with the flame paintjob, you know, why is it that I have never seen a car with a flame paintjob going faster than 35 miles per hour? Yeah, you look REAL badass with those overly elaborate ten color flames coming off the front of your truck (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#) but driving like a fucking pansey is ruining it all. If there was such a thing as Gay Fire though, I assure you, you'd be on it.
An open letter to the fuck tard drivers of Denver Colorado
To EVERY single person I passed today, I pose the following questions...
Is your head up your ass for the warmth? (Burt Gummer quote)
I fucking swear, no one in the entire state of Colorado is getting a blowjob today because ALL the cocksuckers are on the road this mourning and not a single one of the is driving like they've got a pair. Am I the only fucking person on the road who is on their way somewhere? Fuck. Are you just all out enjoying the scenery from the knuckle draggers point of view?
You know, that 25 miles per hour you were doing in the 45 mile per hour area is blistering and all, but tell you what, can you pull over and give me the number to the president of Retardia? I am sure he would want to know that you are serving as an exemplary representative of the people of your nation while you are here visiting America! What's that? You need to take a right hand fucking turn? Be sure to slow to a safe speed like 3 fucking cocklengths per hour while you're doing it. Don't just plunge into that turn, you're going to want to romance that shit! Maybe buy it some flowers, ask its fathers permission to enter it, give that fucking corner a proper god damned courtship.
A special shout goes out to all the people driving "Badass" cars (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#) like they are codling a vagina they just brought up from the ocean floor and cannot subject to even the slightest movement lest you jostle it too hard and cause it to fall apart...
To pretty much EVERY Mustang driver ever, nice car (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#), now fucking drive it.
To the driver of the black TransAm, the fact that you bought the shittiest, white trashiest sportscar available to man notwithstanding, please kindly turn down "Ain't seen nothing yet" and locate the gas pedal. Having a moderately fast car doesn't mean shit when someone in a Plymouth passes you like a $2 breakfast burrito in a middle aged secreteries intestinal system.
To all the women with the 2008 model SUVs (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#), congratulations on your new cock, I hope it makes up for the lifetime of truly incomprehensible injustices you've suffered as a female in America. Yes, it's true, women in the United States are by far the most disadvantaged group in the entire world and there is only one thing that can compensate for the $2 an hour less you are making than Ted who does the same job as you - A ridiculously oversized piece of shit you can barely drive. Rest assured, you may now compete in the "Mans World" and give all of us a run for our money, challenge our perceptions of what women can do and blaze new paths boldly with four wheel antilock brakes (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#), traction control (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#), GPS navigation and frosty ice cold air conditioning. By god, give us what for I say! That being said, once you're done with all that, I hope you can still find time to steer with your kneecap, applying 2 pounds of Mary Kay makeup while blathering on your fucking cell phone. Be sure to stop at Starbucks on your way by Krispy Krudd, all the while whining that you can't seem to lose weight.
To the driver of the pompously oversized crew cab (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#) F-150 with the flame paintjob, you know, why is it that I have never seen a car with a flame paintjob going faster than 35 miles per hour? Yeah, you look REAL badass with those overly elaborate ten color flames coming off the front of your truck (http://forums.clubsi.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1703101/page/1#) but driving like a fucking pansey is ruining it all. If there was such a thing as Gay Fire though, I assure you, you'd be on it.