Secret decoder

[Devaclis]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
* 40-ish..................................49.
* Adventurous.........................Slept with everyone.
* Athletic................................No breasts.
* Average looking.....................Moooo.
* Beautiful..............................Pathologica l liar.
* Emotionally Secure................On medication.
* Feminist..............................Fat.
* Free Spirit...........................Junkie.
* Friendship first.....................Former Slut.
* New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places.
* Open-minded.......................Desperate.
* Outgoing.............................Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional.........................Bitch.
* Voluptuous.........................Very fat.
* Large frame........................Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate.................Stalker.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
* Yes.....................................No
* No......................................Yes
* Maybe.................................No
* We need..............................I want
* I am sorry............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk....................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead......................You better not
* Do what you want.................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset......................Of course, I am upset
* You're attentive tonight..........Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I am hungry...........................I am hungry
I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress.............................Nice cleavage
I love you.............................Let's have sex now
I am bored............................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?.................. I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?................ I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?........ I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?.......... I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm queer.

[Sully]

:lol:... nice

[Brizz]

What if i say i have a BONER?

[sprtbkbabe]

MEN'S ADS

40-ish.............52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking....... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated..............Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit.........Banging your sister
Friendship first...... As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun............Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking.......... Arrogant
Very good looking..... Dumb as a board
Honest................ Pathological Liar
Huggable.............Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.......Insecure mama's boy
Mature................Older than your father
Open-minded........Wants to sleep with your roommate but she'snot interested
Physically fit............Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet.............Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive........Gay
Spiritual...........Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful...........Says "Excuse me" when he farts

[Sortarican]

:pointlaugh: Bwaaaaaaaaa!

[DevilsTonic]

What if i say i have a BONER?....you'd like to have sex with everyone tonight.