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Bassil Duwaik
Sun Apr 22nd, 2007, 11:20 PM
Part Nine: What now?
Okay, now you are getting the front wheel up regularly. Now you can find the balance point. Basically, it's this floaty, light point in a wheelie that is really damn high up there where you don't have to use as much throttle and you can basically keep it up indefinitely.


Part Ten: More Gears!
You aren't limited to 1st gear, of course. Once you are proficient at wheelies, you can use other gears. You can wheelie most sportbikes in 1st and 2nd and maybe 3rd gear, and some big boys like the R1 or the ZX-9 or maybe a Blackbird might be wheeliable even in 4th. I haven't brought a bike up, ever, in 4th, but it is possible.
Alternatively, you can start out in 1st and go up through the gears as far as your balls (or ovaries), the road, and your skill will let you. The current wheelie record is well over 175 miles per hour, so get out there. To shift in a wheelie all you need to do is twitch your right wrist to unload the gears, while having your left toe already pressuring the gear change. No clutch necessary. Some Hondas and other bikes, my Blackbird included, have a big throw from first to second. Give it a big, positive kick into second to avoid missing a shift, having the engine rev the tits off itself, and then having the front wheel slam down to the jeers of any witnesses and to your own shame and possibly mashed privates. If you do get it into second it will want to kick a little higher, so be ready to modulate the throttle. Of course, you haven't' tried to shift into 2nd until you were really familiar with balancing these things, so it's no problem. Now you can go into 3rd and 4th and 5th and 6th, and you're the man (or woman) and you can make money at this.


Part 11: Variations.
Once you're quite the badass, here's some things to try.
Standing up. Easy, stand up on the pegs and wheelie away. Cool, eh?
Crossed up. You'll have to turn the bars and stick out the opposite knee to get a nice, crossed up, rad effect.
Waving/Flip off/other gestures. Take your hand off (your LEFT hand!) and do whatever you think would be cool. Extra points for flipping off cops, if that's your kinda thing.
Passengers. If you have a trusting friend, go for it. It is actually easier because of the weight distribution, but the stakes are higher for obvious reasons.
There are other variations, but if you are good enough to think of them and do them, you wouldn't be reading this, would you?


Part 12: It Ain't My Fault
Phuzzy accepts no responsibility whatsoever for anything that might happen to you if you decide to read this and go out and practice the techniques described herein. Wheelies are inherently dangerous because motorcycles have two wheels for a reason and if you take one of them off the ground, you open up a whole new realm of possible ways to maim yourself. Don't be stupid. Don't blame me if you end up having aftermarket titanium parts installed on your body if something goes wrong. Have fun.

Coming soon! Phuzzy's Guide to Proper Emergency Room Etiquette and Phuzzy's Guide to Picking Up Emergency Room Nurses


Comments? Questions? Criticisms? Fan mail? Email phuzzygnu@aol.com
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rforsythe
Mon Apr 23rd, 2007, 09:54 AM
In a related note, this was posted on some forum a few years ago and made worldwide fame...

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"quote: WHEELIE, WHEELIE, WHEELIE............. -- ECONORACING, 02:52:11 01/10/03 Fri
Really enjoy the site. I just bought a 2000 TL1000R with 2500 miles on it. It is stock except for a pair of WILEYCO slip ons. How do I get this puppy up? I can throttle it about 2 feet above pavement in 1st only at 1/4 to 1/2 throttle when the tire is warmed up. However, I feel if I pull back too much it's going to flip. Should I be afraid and not pull back the throttle coasting through the intersection?? PLEASE HELP. Any suggestions? 2nd gear pop the clutch at what RPM??? I need to be wheelieing by this summer. Changeing gears the whole 9 yards. Thank you guys and girls for any and all help.



quote:
Hey limp dick... you win the vaganitus award for '03... I am confident that the remaining 354 days out of this year won't be ringing in any posts which will bump you off of the pussy of the year platform after this request. You are indeed a true squid and deserve everything coming your way as you learn to wheelie. Have you even found out how fast you can stop, transition, anything? Or have you not even taken the warning sticker off of your fuel tank? Confused? ok, back to riding long big dick wheelies... cause that is what you need, right? gotcha...

Ok fuck - what you need to do is stand on your seat and with your left hand, wave at all the import car kooks in thier cut springs, stock prelude with missing hub caps and go fast tape on the bumper... as you are waving, make sure you use the very popular Rose Parade "Turn the lightbulb" style hand movement... now as you are standing there, waving at the kooks you are trying to impress, like the hot chick in the passenger seat of the primered honda with 3 other dicks in the car, because for sure once she sees you on one tire, will drop trou - and come a runnin... oh wait, wheelies - right.

Ok - acorn dick, what gear are you in again? wait, you need to be shifting "and the whole nine yards" by this summer... or your chances of losing your virginity go right out the winder, huh! ok, back to wheelies... assuming you know how to position yourself on the bike, are familiar with your clutch grab and heat... tire temp and road composition - too much? ok, so anyway, you are on the street in the middle of the lane with all the leftover oil and shit, running your 207 ZR's five minutes out of your trailor park in say... second gear. Now what we are going to do here is dip your stock fucking clutch all the way to the grip... now pay attention fuck-o, this is where it gets complicated... now - you are going to want to say hello to mr. Rev Limiter for a good 3 seconds - now you have to multi-task here, because while you are familiarizing yourself with absolute bullshit abuse on your bike with your right hand, take your left and double check that you do not have nuts... once confirmed, still on the limiter, you with me? okay - so no balls, abusing your motor and getting ready for the fun part... you need to have some style here bro, so another tip would be to remove your jacket and possibly your helmet too... now go to e-bay and buy yourself a Curious George shirt, doctors love that shit... oh wait - left hand - clutch in - right hand, wide fucking open... drop the clutch and do it so fast that you shake the triples... that way you get that crossed up effect as you near 6" - - that's the tire off the ground, not you dick...

ok, so as your front end lightens up - you want to do a massive shoulder shrug as to imitate that your upper body is responsible for the front end elevation (chicks dig that part) - and once you feel like you are going to flip, well that means you have breached the 1 foot mark - now this is where the learning curve turns into a brick... most guys take a season to get past this all the way to the balance point... but we don't have that luxury do we... your virginity is on the line!!! so, now your ass is puckered, the chicks are flashing their tits, you have yanked your massive squid transport system off the ground with just your arms and you are at 1 foot... mind you now, this all must take place in less than one second!... okay, so when you feel like you are going to flip, take your left hand and slowly slide it off the clip on and point at somebody, doesn't matter who, as long as you line your index up with a witness... this way, when you double that fucking thing over and that witness is telling the paramedics what happened, he will say that for .000009 seconds - you were the MAN! now if you don't get that index to lock on a witness, you are merely a statistic... that is critical to fucks like you... you are going to have to be able to tell the story about the day you did a 200 mile an hour wheelie in front of a chinese restaurant and "pointed" at your bro on the curb... and it must have been that man hole cover that sent the whole thing wrong... but hey - you may get if you pull it off.

Cheers Cheese-Dick - I hope your bike lasts you longer than a month, and ultimately you grow into a nice squid bitch with fur and chrome alike...

Take care, happy new year, and don't forget to post your the pics of the aftermath and request parts from all of us, I know some guys that can rebuild a TLR faster than punks like you can crash em...

You are truely a stupid fuck."