Overheard in my office...

[rybo]

This idea just came to me, mostly because I just heard something in my office that made me laugh. So, post up things you overhear in your office today, fragments of conversations that when taken out of context are really quite funny.

Here is the one I just heard:


"If you're going to cheat, cheat legally"

[Devaclis]

From my boss:

"I had my wife take my ethics test for me while I was playing Warcraft"

[Aracheon]

While picking up inventory transfers from another store:

"These pants make my butt look like ass!"

[Sortarican]

4260

[636chick]

:hump: :pointlaugh: Now that looks like a fun office

Overheard this

If it really is that big do you think it's going to fit:shocked:


This comes from a lady I refer to as Mary Poppins and our boss who is like 67 years old

[AshliRider44]

"I am so wet right now"

-- Said by a girl who came in after the rain yesterday. :lol:

[Sonic Boom]

"While the detail dept. was cleaning your car, they found 3 used condoms"

"Where are they now?"

[Sortarican]

...If it really is that big do you think it's going to fit:shocked:
This comes from a lady I refer to as Mary Poppins and our boss who is like 67 years old

Is that the same one that walked in while you were trying to lick your elbow?:)

[636chick]

Yes indeedy

The ultimate Soccer mom and might I add a definate insecure psyco that in so far up the owners ass that when they bury his old ass they are going to have to remove her first, or if you like when he opens his mouth there she is waving hi to ya!!!!!!!!
with no sense of humor

Did I just type that out loud?????? :oops:
Did that sound bitter
Oh my god I've become a bitter woman
Someone shoot me please

[Mel]

:lol: My boss has a file on his machine containing random things that people have said that came out way wrong (and yes, yes I am in there more than once). I will try and steal some to post up, but one from last week (between two guys):
"yeah, well, mine is smaller and therefore better"

[Sortarican]

"It won't go down till she gets off."

In a conversation about a controlled power down of an IBM AS/400 computer system.

[Devaclis]

"The dude is 86 years old. He is a nussance, makes no money for us, and I am getting tired of fixing his shit. If you don't let me get rid of him, I am gonna hafta kill him." (not exact wording but as close as I can remember)

Me to HR

[Suki]

my boss: damn these beef sticks are good!
me: yeah you always struck me as that type of guy.

:lol:

[MonkeyPuzzle]

:lol: My boss has a file on his machine containing random things that people have said that came out way wrong (and yes, yes I am in there more than once). I will try and steal some to post up, but one from last week (between two guys):
"yeah, well, mine is smaller and therefore better"

Enter Beotch's boss type person...
Here is our running list of things we don't wish to hear in our office ever again, most of it is simply immature sexual innuendo and double entendres. As Beotch pointed out, this stuff usually has us rolling on the floor, but mostly its because we know the folks involved :)

"dear customer, shit on you"
"I'm going to unload a couple from under my belt"
"I've got a orange and blue condom for good luck" (referring to bronco's game-day sex I think)
"Ball sacks rock" "Yeah They DO!!!"
"We're going to tie mistletoe to *employee name ommitted* and chase him around the building"
"PUT IT IN!! PUT IT IN!!"
"damn *employee name ommitted*! you smell nice"
"You can leave it in your jeans."
"Can I bum a fag"
"did you see him plung it in that other guy"
"His loin cloth is in the way"
"Looks like i'm jerking off this phone"
"My peanuts are often an ice breaker"
"Can I get one of you guys to put a load on me"
"*employee name ommitted* if you were my boyfriend I'd show you off" "Seriously!!!"
"They look like little anus's"
"I'm gonna get a raise and I'm not talking about money"
"Shit in my box"
"would you like to touch it before i put it in my mouth"
"why is this handle so sticky?"
"now get out of here I have to do your father"
"DAHH! thats huge!"
"now! now is the time to make me hot"
"See, its so soft"
"lets go home together"
"ho ho ho, look at his anus"
"i really dont want to hear about the t-rex's anus"
"he'll have a 12inch sausage" (referring to ordering pizza)
"mine is shorter and therefore far superior to yours" (discussing email signatures)
"nice box"
"I've certainly had you"
"I'm bringing my special pants for you tomorrow *employee name ommitted*"
"If you need anything I'm cheaper than anyone else"
"Let's do *employee name ommitted*"
"It holds my man juices"
"would you pull my pork for me"
"Just put it in your mouth and suck on it"
"Let me gauge the size of your hole, I heard it was big"
"Just rub it on your man-kandy"
"You are undenianly adorable *employee name ommitted*"
"*employee name ommitted* I think you'd do that on camera for any amount"
"If I have to see exploading sperm one more time I'm going to puke"
"I didn't think what was gonna come out of your mouth was going to be good"
"I'm pretty sure his ass was touching your thigh"
"Let's see how many things you can stick in there"
"You might touch something and then I'd be in trouble"
"stop touching my sack"
"I don't want that one pierced"
"If it doesn't have meat I'm not going to touch it."
"I'm just used to seeing the backside of your head *employee name ommitted*"
"I can't put it in you and a I can't take it out of you"
"Might as well dip your body in the toilet"
"*employee name ommitted* can't keep it up" (I think they meant a server)
"Come in my mouth"
"Hey *employee name ommitted* I'll follow you as you back out"
"*employee name ommitted* is going to take and play with that little thing"
"It's hard to talk when there's a c@#ck in your mouth"
"Free rides from *employee name ommitted*!!"
"I'll beat you later"
"Hey *employee name ommitted* I need you in the back"
"I'm good at back-dooring things" (think he was reffering to servers too)
"You can take that interest and shove it up your arse." "as long as I get it"
"geez you know you have problems when your own fart brings a tear to your eye..."

And the part you've all been wanted, stuff Beotch said:
"That's why me an my sister don't go drinking, that's where that picture of the horse came from."
"suck my blow pop"

[Suki]

:spit: :lol:

I need to get in that office! STAT! mel, get me a job!

[Mel]

:spit: oh lord, I remember some of those discussions. HA! "boss type person" :lol:

Suki, let me refer back to your resume and interview tips. You wear a skirt and I will personally interview you :hump:

[Suki]

what position do you prefer to interview me for, i'm very versatile in any position. :D

[Sortarican]

After receiving a Halloween treat bag:

"I'm gonna spread Candy out on my desk and pig out."

[MonkeyPuzzle]

what position do you prefer to interview me for, i'm very versatile in any position. :D

hired!!! wait... a minute, I think she means not what I hope she means.

[Suki]

lol just now:

Marley: do you have any carmex?
me: no
Marley: i need something to put on my lips.
me: ummm, hehe

[Devaclis]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v470/devaclis/no-ears.jpg

[rybo]

Just a minute ago

"there was a major emission..."

[Suki]

redbull doesn't give you wings, it makes you pee!

[FZRACE97]

from the next cubicle: *fart sound* ..."I think I gotta shit"

[Mother Goose]

This was yelled on the phone in our office to a guy in the field since it was loud..... "DID YOU FIND THE GUY WITH THE VIBRATOR??!!!"

We work with concrete. :lol:

[Suki]

damn, when you heat up this meat it's really hard and chewy!

[scottiegwood]

haha i am a chef.... and we have to clean out our coolers (aka boxs) every night.... so during preshift she states that "she scrubs her box daily" haha