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Bertha
Tue Sep 14th, 2004, 11:05 PM
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be... Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help resolving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we say 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Microsoft Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as football, motorcycles, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Felicia
Tue Sep 14th, 2004, 11:10 PM
What are you starting....?

Fly boy
Tue Sep 14th, 2004, 11:13 PM
sex war III

RaverDude
Tue Sep 14th, 2004, 11:43 PM
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
I've had to use that one on many occasions :D

thunderseye
Wed Sep 15th, 2004, 06:15 AM
thats awesome.. totally hits my wife on the mark

bulldog
Wed Sep 15th, 2004, 08:04 AM
:up: There are so good ones there.

P.S. If I was a moderator I would move this to the joke section :lol: :lol:

~Barn~
Wed Sep 15th, 2004, 09:08 AM
:up: There are so good ones there.

P.S. If I was a moderator I would move this to the joke section :lol: :lol:

But you're not!

Good suggestion though...
:P

surfinspacegirl
Wed Sep 15th, 2004, 09:32 AM
<yawn> old, seen it before, can't you guys think of anything original :roll:

:lol:

Ripper
Thu Sep 16th, 2004, 08:21 AM
:spit: that is funny shit Berth..

I wonder why your single :dunno:

Jessi
Thu Sep 16th, 2004, 09:04 AM
Mmmhmm...real funny! :lol: