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Devaclis
Wed Dec 15th, 2004, 10:35 AM
Subject: STD Alert
Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 09:41:40 -0700

Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent
strain of sexually transmitted disease.

This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect
him"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the
past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves
from this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include,
but are not limited to:

Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with
distinct messianic flavor;
chronic mangling of the English language;
extreme cognitive dissonance;
inability to incorporate new information;
pronounced xenophobia;
inability to accept responsibility for actions;
exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
uncontrolled facial smirking;
ignorance of geography and history;
tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.

The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are
amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years
ago in a Texas Bush.