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Mental
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 09:04 AM
Like I said, I am bored and SoCo is too quiet;

So, the last time i checked into a hotel, there was a pretty uptight-looking older woman working the counter.

To let her know I appreciated her conservatism while also trying to be funny, I said to her:

"I hope the porn channel is disabled in my room."

She looked at me as if I had just offered to mug her grandma and replied,

"No, it's regular peaple porn, you pervert."

Tipys
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 09:58 AM
I see your enjoying that nice goverment job there mental

Mental
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 10:17 AM
Hey, your tax dollars can't just go to bail out terrible overpaid CEOs, bad car makers and folks who don't understand the basics of debt to income ratio when they buy too much house. So of of it should go to cyberslacking.

Bashed
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 10:22 AM
I really take offense to that as I
am considered disabled now.
It was pretty funny though.
Cyberslacker!

Tipys
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 10:54 AM
Debt to income what's that?

Mental
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 11:24 AM
I really take offense to that as I
am considered disabled now.
It was pretty funny though.
Cyberslacker!

...and while you are a fit, good looking dude, and your missus is classicaly beautiful in the grandest sense of the word (ala Marylin Monroe ageless kind of classy beauty) I have absolutely zero interest in seeing porn you have made.

Your scars are pretty cool, but I darw the line at seeing your junk.

~Barn~
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 11:36 AM
Ha!

:applause:

y_merkle
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 01:39 PM
Ha Ha!
Well while I was at a party I aaproached an attractive man standing alone. I said, "My name is Carmen,"
He said, "That's a beautiful name. Is it a family
name?"

"No," I replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men." "What's your name?"

He said, "B. J. Titsengolf'"

Tipys
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 03:33 PM
^^ lmfao

DeVeck
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 11:31 PM
Stupid jokes are always the funniest...lol

XJ600s
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 11:33 PM
MEN BEWARE!!!

This is serious. Men please BEWARE! Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into the local WAL-Mart for a bit of shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two voluptuous girls in thier 20's, come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start cleaning your windscreen. Their large firm young breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It's impossible not to look especially with all the rain we have been having. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another store, in my case, the BEST BUY just under a few miles away. You agree and they both get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing, and get completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately, and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet! I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also January 31st,and three times last Saturday and very likely again this coming weekend. So Be Warned! P.S. Wally world have wallets on sale for $1.99 each

XJ600s
Wed Feb 18th, 2009, 11:38 PM
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.

It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word..

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom.

'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud burst of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "Hey, no problem, I'll do the F'in dishes!"

Tipys
Thu Feb 19th, 2009, 08:47 AM
i anyone want to go to wally world and buy me a wallet

dallas
Thu Feb 19th, 2009, 10:49 AM
Just make one out of duct tape. I am sure you have a roll laying around somewhere unless you have been dating alot lately........

Tipys
Thu Feb 19th, 2009, 10:56 AM
Duct tape 1 roll 99cents
Wallets made from roll 10
Being scammed by hot chicks at wally world total worth it

y_merkle
Thu Feb 19th, 2009, 11:16 AM
I have word from a friend that works with a lot of "migrants" and they are serious when they say the get dressed up and hang out at the Chelton and Platte Wal-Mart to pick up women of Friday nights.
By the way here is your Duct tape wallet!

http://www.jonaugust.com/images/wallet.jpg

Mac020
Fri Feb 20th, 2009, 10:55 AM
Mr Pink asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is
seated over there' and indicated Mr Pink with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at Mr Pink and then decided to send a
reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed
it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a
million dollars in the bank and 8 inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, Mr Pink decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note,
handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read: 'Just to let you know things
aren't always what they appear to be, I Have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Toyota Tacoma in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami, Fairfax, a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana and a cabin in Pennsylvania. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.'

:drink: