Happy Birthday Chuck Norris!

[Wyck]

Let the Chuck Norris badassery begin!

[Wyck]

When Chuck Norris does a pushup he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the earth down.

[The Black Knight]

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice!

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Instead Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.


HAHA I've got tons more :)

one more I forgot about:

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars. Chuck Norris has more money then you.

[denver_whitest185]

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/familyguy/images/7/7a/Norrisfamiliguy.jpg

[Sean]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, hes pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element Chuck recognizes is the element of surprise.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

[Devaclis]

He punched out 69 candles yesterday. Dayum!

You know what Chuck Norris got on his SAT's?

BLOOD

[puckstr]

You go Chuck. It's your Birthday

[McVaaahhh]

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

HBD Chuck!

[Big-J]

President Chuck (http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=77560)

:crazy:

[utsv650]

one day on the set of walker texas ranger the cast were shooting a nativity scene as it were the christmas season.

one of the baby lambs ended up dying from heat exhaustion from the set lighting so close to the manger.

word of this had spread to chuck norris; so he, calm, cool and collected walked over to observe the lamb and the crowd that had gathered.

chuck the proceeded to give the dead lamb a prolonged beard rub.

within moments, the lamb had miraculously sprang to life!

the crowd cheered and praised chuck for showing his softer, more loving side.

JUST WHEN EVERYONE HAD BREATHED THEIR COLLECTIVE SIGH OF RELIEF,
CHUCK NORRIS SNATCHED UP THE BABY LAMB AND SNAPPED ITS NECK WITH HIS LEFT HAND, WHILST HE CLENCHED HIS RIGHT IN THE AIR PROCLAIMING

--" THE GOOD CHUCK GIVETH, AND THE GOOD CHUCK TAKETH AWAY"

[200sr20]

Chuck Norris doesn't T-bag the ladies, he potato sacks them.

[= Buckeye Jess =]

Chuck Norris doesn't T-bag the ladies, he potato sacks them.
:spit::shocked:

[Horsman]

President Chuck (http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=77560)

:crazy:
Happy Birthday Mister President of Texas...

[DevilsTonic]

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet. Water get's Chuck Norris.

[CYCLE_MONKEY]

Silly fools, Chuck Norris doesn't have birthdays - he's ageless. It is the Earth around him that gets older.......

[Sortarican]

Silly fools, Chuck Norris doesn't have birthdays - he's ageless. It is the Earth around him that gets older.......

True, Chuck created Chuck:
11424