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Wintermute
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 10:29 AM
Despite it being a few years old: http://blacktable.com/shephard040602.htm.

Anybody got any other ones?

My addition to the list would be:

7. Due to being conditioned to stop at millions of light-flashing crosswalks, Colorado drivers will irritatingly stop traffic and make you cross in front of them even as you wave wildly for them to pass.
Ricky
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 11:04 AM
How about

"It's not always cold and snowy here"
Wintermute
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 11:10 AM
OK:

8. Don't like the weather? Wait 5 minutes. Even in the dead of winter, at least one day a week will be over 40 degrees and sunny.
MetaLord 9
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 11:12 AM
8. Colorado is the rubberneck capital of the world. "HOLY SHIT THERE'S A MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!! HIT THE BRAKES!! Oh man, we're going really slow, we'd better slam down the gas to get back up to speed! OH DICKS, WE'RE GOING 80!! SLAM ON THE BRAKES!! Sweet! We're back to 64 easy miles per hour, time to enjoy the ride and OH SWEET LORD THERE'S A GUY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD WHO'S GETTING A SPEEDING TICKET! SLAM ON THE BRAKES SO WE CAN WATCH!!! AHHHHH!!!!!" Rinse, repeat.
Tipys
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 11:13 AM
Colorado has more sunny days then any other state despite the fact we are not the sunshine state
Wintermute
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 11:21 AM
MetaLord, you forgot:

OH SHIT AN ELK! SLAM ON THE BRAKES AND STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD IN A CORNER FOR A PICTURE!

I'm thinking of that one spot on 36...
asp_125
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 11:22 AM
- Denver lays claim to the invention of the Cheeseburger. The trademark for the name Cheeseburger was awarded in 1935 to Louis Ballast.
Sully
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 11:27 AM
MetaLord, you forgot:

OH SHIT AN ELK! SLAM ON THE BRAKES AND STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD IN A CORNER FOR A PICTURE!

I'm thinking of that one spot on 36...

This happens quite often in Rocky Mountain National Park... even though they have pull out areas for parking... Good thing you can only go slow on their roads..
Gainer
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 11:41 AM
8. Colorado is the rubberneck capital of the world. "HOLY SHIT THERE'S A MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!! HIT THE BRAKES!! Oh man, we're going really slow, we'd better slam down the gas to get back up to speed! OH DICKS, WE'RE GOING 80!! SLAM ON THE BRAKES!! Sweet! We're back to 64 easy miles per hour, time to enjoy the ride and OH SWEET LORD THERE'S A GUY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD WHO'S GETTING A SPEEDING TICKET! SLAM ON THE BRAKES SO WE CAN WATCH!!! AHHHHH!!!!!" Rinse, repeat.

Hmmm, sounds familiar. You must commute on C-470. Reminded of this just this morning. Crash on eastbound side, then gawker rear end on the westbound side. Pay attention!!!
brennahm
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 01:49 PM
8. Colorado is the rubberneck capital of the world. "HOLY SHIT THERE'S A MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!! HIT THE BRAKES!! Oh man, we're going really slow, we'd better slam down the gas to get back up to speed! OH DICKS, WE'RE GOING 80!! SLAM ON THE BRAKES!! Sweet! We're back to 64 easy miles per hour, time to enjoy the ride and OH SWEET LORD THERE'S A GUY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD WHO'S GETTING A SPEEDING TICKET! SLAM ON THE BRAKES SO WE CAN WATCH!!! AHHHHH!!!!!" Rinse, repeat.

I actually laughed out loud, that's hilarious.

Oh, and FL being the Sunshine State is a sarcastic joke about the mood of residents in this state. Never have I been surrounded by a bigger group of self-important ignorant racist driving-challenged...
Wintermute
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 03:22 PM
I work with over a hundred Miami refugees, trust me, I hear all about the FL bad craziness.
Devaclis
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 03:24 PM
Colorado: It is better than Florida, no matter what you may think.
MetaLord 9
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 03:31 PM
Colorado: It is better than Florida, no matter what you may think.
Doesn't that make Steve's basement DisneyLand?
Devaclis
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 03:32 PM
Was "The Gimp" one of the 7 Dwarfs? If so, he has a dwarf down there.
rforsythe
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 03:35 PM
Was "The Gimp" one of the 7 Dwarfs? If so, he has a dwarf down there.

I believe they prefer the term "little people" now. There was some big uproar about forcing them to work in mines too, but come on - you expect some 6'8" Shaq motherfucker to crawl down those holes?
MetaLord 9
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 03:41 PM
I just wanna hear shaq sing the umpa lumpa song while he works
Sortarican
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 03:42 PM
Colorado: It is better than Florida, no matter what you may think.

That's setting the bar kinda low don't ya think?


Colorado:

At 10,000 feet you can actually get drunk on 3.2 beer.

Even though it's a ranching state, if you wear a cowboy hat anywhere within sight of a paved road you will be mistaken for a Texan.

At any given time there is a pot hole larger than the Grand Canyon somewhere in the state.

Boulder girls taste like patchouli.
Flip
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 04:00 PM
We are second to Florida in lighting strikes every year.

We went Tampa- I was sure we was gonna die in Tampa! So now, I dont tell people to go to Hell- I tell them to go to Tampa.
ZX9Rider
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 04:03 PM
Colorado sure has a lot of liberals here now telling us how great it is their old state. To bad they won't go back there since its so great.
Wintermute
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 04:29 PM
That's setting the bar kinda low don't ya think?


Colorado:

At 10,000 feet you can actually get drunk on 3.2 beer.

Even though it's a ranching state, if you wear a cowboy hat anywhere within sight of a paved road you will be mistaken for a Texan.

At any given time there is a pot hole larger than the Grand Canyon somewhere in the state.

Boulder girls taste like patchouli.

Heh, I had a buddy visiting from MO last week and he went to the grocery store while I was at work.

"I restocked the beer," He said proudly after I got home.

"Fuck, you didn't buy it at the grocery store did you?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Dammit."

On the plus side, we didn't get tired and loggy drinking them during the Final 4 games. Thank God for backup whiskey!
puckstr
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 04:32 PM
I Love Colorado

there is tons more good than bad
brennahm
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 05:43 PM
I was in no way defending the swamp that is the the "Sunshine State," why do you think I'm returning to my birthplace?

So what's the deal with beer at the grocery store out there? My gf got all confused and I guess this will explain why every intersection has 4 liquor stores on it...
willb003
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 07:26 PM
yeah lucky someone told me about the grocery store beer before I went and bought some.
YZFRydn
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 10:30 PM
Not to rain on your parade but one bad thing about living out here is that it takes almost twice the amount of time to go a certain amount of miles. For example, in Boulder/Broomfield/Louisville, if I need to go 5 miles in my cage, it takes me a minimum of 10 fucking minutes. This is the only state I have been to where the speed limits could not be any lower. If I actually drove the speed limit instead of a minimum of 10+ I would die.
Tipys
Wed Apr 8th, 2009, 10:33 PM
Think thats bad go drive around Greeley see how you feel then.
rapparee
Thu Apr 9th, 2009, 11:59 AM
Things You Don't Know About Colorado

There used to be great dirt bike trails everywhere.
You used to be able to fish east of the hogback.
C-470 used to be a top speed run when it was first paved, only the sheriff patrolled it, and not very often.
You used to be able to ride in the canyons and only needed to worry about deer, not bicycles or drunk gamblers or transplants that are afraid of a grade steeper than 1%
You used to be able to make it across town in 10 minutes on a Friday.
You used to be able to draw a good tag for elk.
There used to be open space between Boulder to Denver, Denver to Springs and Highlands Ranch was prairie.
That is all, have a nice day :)