Devaclis
Tue Feb 1st, 2005, 12:28 PM
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the
field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the middle. One day
the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,
"What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If
it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If
it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a
Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army
aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little
hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft,
it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy
Hour."
- - - - - - -
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was
driving down a muddy back road encountered another car
stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the
wheel. "Your
jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled
alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over
and handing him the keys, "yours is."
- - - - - -
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new
colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked
on the door. Conscious of his new position, the
colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman
to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General,
I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along
your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good
wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do
you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm
just here to hook up your telephone."
- - - - - -
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now
let's try it again!"
"Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
- - - - - -
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your
party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter
pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a
jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts
down.
- - - - - - -
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were
sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting
finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached
for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me!
My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and
put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like."
- - - - - - -
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the
bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged
from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so
you can come and pee on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out
of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
- - - - - - - -
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by
plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the
customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent
admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen,
you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for
inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't
have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your
passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard
look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came
ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find
any Frenchmen to show it to."
field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the middle. One day
the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,
"What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If
it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If
it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a
Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army
aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little
hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft,
it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy
Hour."
- - - - - - -
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was
driving down a muddy back road encountered another car
stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the
wheel. "Your
jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled
alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over
and handing him the keys, "yours is."
- - - - - -
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new
colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked
on the door. Conscious of his new position, the
colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman
to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General,
I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along
your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good
wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do
you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm
just here to hook up your telephone."
- - - - - -
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now
let's try it again!"
"Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
- - - - - -
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your
party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter
pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a
jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts
down.
- - - - - - -
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were
sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting
finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached
for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me!
My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and
put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like."
- - - - - - -
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the
bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged
from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so
you can come and pee on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out
of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
- - - - - - - -
The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by
plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the
customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent
admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen,
you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for
inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't
have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your
passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard
look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came
ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find
any Frenchmen to show it to."