Humpday Herpin

[Zach929rr]

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[usmcab35]

haha

[Zach929rr]

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[JellyBean]

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[Zach929rr]

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/dandowner3.png


AIRPLANES



Piston-engine airplanes in the movies are unusually subject to engine failure. This failure mode is unique to filmdom - engine coughs, keeps running. Hero doesn't notice. Then it stutters, catches again. Hero notices, taps gas gauge, turns lever. Then it stutters exactly three times and stops immediately, including propeller. No further efforts are ever made to restart.

ALCOHOL



Only men are alcoholics. Any hopeless alcoholic can quit drinking when faced with an important challenge. The instant the alcoholic stops drinking, all his faculties return and he faces no annoying withdrawals.

ALIENS



If there is more than one or two of an alien race, they are always roughly the same size as humans.
Aliens usually speak english and have same colloquialisms. planet.
All members of alien species wear the same outfits, including clothing, hairstyles, and jewelery. This makes them readily identifiable. Aliens who do not dress like aliens are hiding something.
This may, in fact, be a consequence of the fact that aliens all have single, monolithic cultures: one language, one religion, one outfit, per planet.

ANIMALS



Bad guys will always get killed by a snake, while the hero simply reaches out and picks it up with his bare hands. (In addition, he will either break the reptile's neck (?) or bite it's head off)
Deadly reptiles will always attack a woman first, even if she's in the presence of thirty men.
Dogs always know who's bad, and bark at them.

ANSWERING MACHINES



If the hero listens to his answering machine and one important message is unexpected then he usually has two very short messages on the tape before, one spoken by a man, one by a women. "Here'a John! I see you tomorrow at eight.".... beep ... "This is Sallieeeeee! I'll call again later." ... beep .... and then finally "Ahhhh! The killer is .....". If however the message is expected be sure that it will be the first one on the tape.

ASTEROIDS

(this section courtesy of Keith Lynch (http://www.clark.net/pub/kfl/)) Here are the fundamental principles of movie asteroid science, as derived from the NBC miniseries "Asteroid":



Asteroids travel through space making a noise like a powerful but subdued engine.
Asteroids are usually locked into orbits, but if a comet comes by, they can be bumped out of their rut and become dangerously unstable.
It's only the fact that everything is locked into an orbit which prevents collisions in our solar system. Any asteroid that gets loose is certain to crash into Earth within a matter of hours.
It's just barely possible to evacuate Kansas City to a distance of 100 miles in 48 hours. This requires lots of airplanes. It also requires martial law, so that "looters will be arrested on sight". (Have they no mercy?) With 30+ hours to go, people will panic in the streets and run around at random.
A mile-wide asteroid can mostly burn up in the atmosphere, causing it to do only a relatively small amount of damage (bursting a dam) when it strikes.
A river from a burst dam can exactly keep pace with a pickup truck for several minutes. It will then obligingly pause as the pickup truck turns around and goes in another direction.
When a raging river washes over a pickup truck on a bridge, the bridge won't be damaged, the truck won't be swept off the bridge, and people in the open back of the truck won't be swept away.
A four-mile-wide nickel asteroid (which would mass about a *trillion* tons) can be destroyed -- literally destroyed, so that nothing remains -- by three airplane-mounted lasers.
But with only two airplane-mounted lasers, it instead instantly explodes into thousands of pieces. Astronomers are very surprised that it wasn't literally destroyed.
Laser beams are easily visible in space.
Incoming asteroids spend several minutes in Earth's atmosphere.
Asteroids made of softer or more volatile stuff than nickel will harmlessly burn up in the atmosphere regardless of size.
Asteroids that land in the ocean will do no damage regardless of size.
Asteroids are discovered by astronomers peering directly through their telescopes in brightly lit observatories. Whatever they see will appear on computer monitors, however.
Asteroid positions are reported in plainly audible 75 BPS Baudot teletype signals.
Oddly, there will be no dog to be rescued at the last possible moment. Maybe only tornadoes and volcanoes come equipped with dogs. Would you settle for goldfish?

BARS/DRINKING



Every time some guy walks into a bar, usually the hero, he gets into a fight. Usually right under a BUDWEISER sign (see "product placement"). Likelihood of fight increases if country music is playing in the background.
Movie heroes in a bar will either order strong alcoholic drinks and swallow them down like iced tea or will ask for milk. The latter will always provoke sarcastic remarks and a fight will ensue.
When men drink whiskey, it is always in a shot glass, and they always drink it in one gulp. If they are wimps, they will gasp for air, then have a coughing fit. If they are macho, they will wince briefly, flashing clenched teeth.
A cup of black coffee/splash of cold water in face is enough to render the most inebriated person stone cold sober in a split second (see several thousand westerns, and "Peter's Friends.")

BINOCULARS & GLASSES



Whenever someone looks through the binoculars, you see two joined circles instead of one.
Glasses never collect moisture when you come in from the cold outside.
Computer geeks and "intelligent" persons use them, action heros never have glasses.
A villain will always commit murder right in front of the window when someone with binoculars is watching.

BIOLOGY AND GENETICS



People are often exact duplicates of remote ancestors, or of their parent at the same age.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Radiation causes mutation not to your future children, but to you, there and then. Mutation is never immediately fatal, but first either makes you into a formless blob, or a functional creature with animal-like features.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any person or creature from anywhere in the universe.
Newborn babies can babble, crawl, and hold their heads steady.

BODILY FUNCTIONS



People never cough, sneeze, blow their noses, or show any other symptoms of being in less than perfect health.
Only exception to the above is when they're dying. A cough is a symptom of terminal illness.
Menstruation is an unknown phenomenon in movies. Female movie characters are all immune from it.
You can eat as much as you want in a film and you'll never EVER have to go to the bathroom.
Vomit is portrayed by distant toilet flush. Nobody ever throws-up on the carpet.

BOMBS



Evil geniuses who devise bombs to destroy things/people always have them detonate after at least an hour, giving the hero ample time to defuse it.
Bombs always have big, blinking, beeping timer displays. Evil geniuses who devise bombs to destroy things/people are always thoughtful enough to include a visible display (usually LED) of how much time remains before the bomb detonates, giving the hero accurate feedback on exactly how much time remains.
When you cut the wire to the detonator, the timer will stop. You will not be able to do this, however, until only one second remains.
All wires have different colors, so the hero can easily differentiate them when he has to cut the right one.
Bombs detonated with microwave ovens always explode 2 seconds after the timer reaches 00:00 and the microwave oven beeps (ex. "Under Siege").
Explosions always happen in slow motion. When an explosion occurs, make certain you are running away from the point of detonation so the blast can send you flying, in slow motion, toward the camera.
A building that in real life would require several dozen carefully placed explosive charges for demolition, can in a movie be destroyed by a single bomb in a car trunk (see "Lethal Weapon III"). This bomb will cause no damage to any other building on the block.

CABS

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Movie passengers either don't pay cabs at all, or have the exact change. Same is true in restaurants. Checks are always designed to be 15 percent under the bills the male costumer has in his hands first.
Movie people can get cabs instantly, unless they are in danger, whereupon no cab can be found

CARS & DRIVING



Movie characters driving in the city will get to park wherever they like when they get to their destination.
When you are alone in the back seat of the car, make sure you sit in the middle.
Sudden accelleration of a car (be it forwards, backwards, stopping, skidding, sliding, or whatever) causes a loud skid, even on dirt or wet roads. Be prepared. Each wheel is also fitted with a smoke device to let you know when this happens. Hollywood cars are also special: when you take off quickly, you always leave a skid mark for each drive wheel, regardless of whether you have a limited slip differential or not.
Pedestrians in Hollywood have the world's best reactions, so don't worry if you have to drive down a sidewalk. Mr Pappodopolus is quite used to having his fruit cart smashed, and despite his gesticulations and curses, he always manages to get out of the way in time.
There are always people carrying around large sheets of glass on the street during a car chase.
The person behind the wheel is talking to and looking at their passenger for the entire journey without actually looking at the _road_, changing gear, signalling etc. (ex. "When Harry Met Sally").
Cars chasing each other in the middle of a city will not suffer enough damage to stop the chase.
People being chased by a car will keep running down the middle of the road instead of ducking in somewhere where a car cannot go.
A car will always explode when shot at, unless the hero is driving it.
When you drive a car, you can always recognize all the persons you know that pass you in the opposite direction.
If someone has "fixed" the foot-brakes in the car, the driver never use the hand-brake and the gears to slow down, at least not until the last moment.
Cars often end up on cliff-edges with 2 wheels in the open air. The good guys are saved just before the car falls over, the bad guys join the car in the free fall, often caused by a bird setting down on the part of the car hanging over the edge.
When a car falls off a cliff after a car chase, it usually explodes before reaching the ground.
When speeding cars hit a parked car, they fly up into the air while the parked car doesn't even wiggle
After a car crash, no movie character ever sits and shakes for five minutes, or becomes incoherent with shock.
All cars seem to run on kerosene rather than gasoline (hence the copious black smoke when they burn).
Watch steering wheels in movie cars, especially in "through the windshield looking at the driver" shots. 9 times out of 10, the spokes of the wheel, which one would think should be horizontal, or close to it, are vertical, i.e., one can see one of the wheel spokes vertical, above the dash, in front of the driver's face, even when he's driving straight.
Whenever you see someone driving, even on straight and smooth roads, they are sawing at the wheel hard enough to be running an obstacle course. The car doesn't swerve at all, of course. The amount of excess wheel-twisting is independent of speed.
Not only do movie cars always park right in front, but they are never locked. Even convertibles with their tops down, in NYC, are still there hours later.
Movie cars have all excellent brakes and can come to a full stop from 80 MPH (with loud screeches, even on dirt roads) in 20 ft.
There's never an annoying wind disturbing the coiffures of convertible passengers.
There are no stop signs in movie land. Wherever you have to drive, no matter how close or far away it is, you never have to stop before you get there.
Film cars do not have inside rear-view mirrors. Most of them do, however, have an appx 1" gray spot on the inside of the windshield where the mirror would normally mount.
Film cars never start the first time when you're running away from the bad guy.
If there is a large bump in a downhill road, speeding cars will always fly over them and hit the ground in shower of sparks. An interior view will then show the reaction of the passengers at the moment of impact. They will not be injured, even if they are not wearing safety belts. No tire damage, broken axles, or suspension failures will occur as a result of the impact. The car will then execute a sharp left turn at the bottom of the hill. Losing a hubcap at this point will be optional.
Any time you see a really nice, snazzy foreign car or a great old car like a 65 mustang, you know it's going to be smashed into a million pieces.
All too many times a Hollywood car chase will be interupted by the emergence of a semi from a driveway, alley, or street, resulting in the escape of the hunted, or the death of an expendable character.
Police cars involved in chase scenes usually tend to suffer more than any other vehicles- they have head on collisions, smash parked cars, fall into water, and of course, experience the ever popular flying-roll, causing the car to land upside down and crush the lights and siren. Usually, we never get to see the unlucky police force member before or after the inevitable accident.
A car that crashes will always explode in a ball of flames, but not until the hero can pull the important passengers to safety, and yell, "Watch out! She's gonna blow!"
Acid applied by the villain to the hero's brake lines never has any effect unless the car is heading down a steep, winding road. Cars at traffic lights have invujlnerable brake lines.
No one ever runs out of gas (even in long car chases). Corollary: every stolen car has a full gas tank and gets great gas mileage.
Vintage cars are always 100% immaculate and freshly polished. They never have any scratches, dents or repairs.
No one fumbles for car keys right before a car chase. they always jump right in and start the car up because they've left the keys in the ignition. Not a great idea in any major city.

CHASES



Woman falls to the ground whilst being chased by a bad guy, even when running over level, unobstructed terrain. Note that when a man and woman are being chased, usually the woman falls, then the man pauses and helps her up.
Corollaries to the above:

Man will then continue to run with woman, holding her by the hand or preferably upper arm, even though this takes them both below the speed either one could make on their own.
All movie women must be pulled along by their hands, even if the male puller is short & fat and the woman is a track star.
All movie women try to run in heels, never stopping to kick them off.


Women not only have to be pulled along, they do not have enough sense to run and keep running unless a man touches her elbow, holds her hand or puts his arm around her shoulders.
Chasees will always stop to throw obstacles (trash cans, lumber, chairs) in their pursuers' way. No matter that they take three times as long to dump the obstacles as it takes the chasers to simply jump over them.

CHESS



GOOD Chess players are always portrayed as upper class. (Go to any tournament and see how many rich guys there are there. NONE! They're too busy chasing women and driving fast cars to play chess.)
Chess players in movies are always all around brilliant and charming people. (With very few exceptions, REAL chess players are introverted and so involved with chess they have little time to WASTE pursuing anything as trivial as LOVE, A PROFESSION, or SOCIAL GRACES. Exception: Computers! Most Chess players are, or will become, Computer nurds).
Great Chess players are always honored to play on some rich guy's fancy Philipino Art Set. (In reality, better players are almost always adament about playing on a plain, unadorned wood or plastic "Staunton" set. No red or blue pieces, no ceramic or metal, no elephants for rooks.)
The board is usually set up wrong, with the black square at the players lower right, or with one or both of the King/Queen set up backwards. (WHITE SQUARE GOES ON THE PLAYERS RIGHT. QUEENS on thier own color: white QUEEN on white, black QUEEN on black.)
Supposedly brilliant players usually miss one move checkmates in critical games. This is akin to a professional race car driver backing his station wagon into the garage door.
On the other hand, good players are often portrayed as seeing 15 or 20 moves ahead in detail from a middle game, when there are still many pieces on the board. (One could more easily predict the next president and all 535 congressmen correctly before the election. In the End Game, when the number of pieces is limited, looking ahead often becomes a question of counting moves, who can get to the critical square first, or of very limited numbers of moves, and is more feasible.)
Beginners usually beat experienced players, as a mechanism for showing the neophyte's native brilliance. (This is about as common as a tall, athletic man who's never seen a basketball beating an NBA player in one-on-one. It could happen, if the pro had a really bad day, but who would you bet on?)
Players who are really behind (have lost more pieces) come up with brilliant ways to win anyway. (If they're so good, how did they get behind in the first place?)

CLOTHING



Male characters generally are cold-natured. They need to wear jeans and leather jackets when the female characters are comfortable in cutoffs and a halter top.
Heroes are the exception to the above. He often is more comfortable in extreme cold after losing his coat or having the shirt ripped from his back. When this is not true (Cliffhanger), swimming in ice water helps.
Whenever anyone knocks out anyone else and takes their clothes, it's always a flawless fit.

[JellyBean]

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/explain.png

[Zach929rr]

redux.com/stream/item/1933665/Huge-Bike-Jump-into-a-Pond-35-feet-in-the-air (http://www.cosportbikeclub.org/forums/redux.com/stream/item/1933665/Huge-Bike-Jump-into-a-Pond-35-feet-in-the-air)

http://www.redbull.com.au/cs/Satellite/en_AU/Video/Red-Bull-Dirt-Pipe-2011-021242960134631

http://superstoker.com/parkour-video/tempest-freerunning-academy/

http://dai.ly/lFTXSW

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[MetaLord 9]

http://annapapoutsakis.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54ff1a92f88340120a6c916df970b-800wi

[Zach929rr]

http://vimeo.com/17909042

http://video.mpora.com/watch/ODxPHy4MZ/




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[Zach929rr]

Underwater base jumping?

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Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
You never have to clean the toilet.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
The National College Cheerleading Championship
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Same work....more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
ESPN's sports center.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

[vort3xr6]

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http://www.damnlol.com/pics/799/705f8bc37f5d3b0521d4c61030e6eebf.jpg

[Dr. Joe Siphek]

It is good to be a man!!! :lol:

[Zach929rr]

Don't Watch Me at Work (http://uberhumor.com/video-nigga-nigga-nigga/)


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[Zach929rr]

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[Zach929rr]

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[Zach929rr]

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/guns.jpg
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/ness.jpg
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/beer2.jpg
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/help.jpg
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/penguin.jpg
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/upset.jpg
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/police.jpg
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/fri.gif
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/tali1.jpg
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/bluetooth.jpg

[Zach929rr]

http://media.riemurasia.net/albumit/m10225/791440841.jpg
http://static.quickmeme.com/media/social/qm.gifhttp://i.cdn.turner.com/dr/teg/tsg/release/sites/default/files/imagecache/670xX/photos/timallen78mug1.jpg
Yup, that's Tim Allen, after selling coke to a UC in '78.

http://funnysigns.atspace.com/sign0012.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/wzbwi.jpg
https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-q0cLEpjawkw/TW-pH4ivLeI/AAAAAAAAGtk/16lXqCksrHI/s1600/www.kylebean.co.jpeg
http://beachestatelagunareal.com/comics/3.png

1.[/B] A woman is more likely to want to commit adultery during ovulation than at any other time in her cycle.
2. Telling a convincing lie to someone is much more difficult when you find them sexually attractive.
3. Minute quantities of over 30 elements have been identified in human semen. These include nitrogen, fructose, lactic acid, ascorbic acid, inositol, cholesterol, glutathione, creatine, pyruvic acid, citric acid, sorbitol, urea, uric acid and Vitamin B12, along with various salts and enzymes.
4. Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, the same feel-good chemical responsible for the ecstatic high people experience through sexual attraction and love.
5. Women who have given birth have darker labia minora than women who haven’t.
6. The majority of women experience a peak in libido just before their period.
7. -321°F is the temperature at which sperm banks store donor semen. At this temperature, semen can be stored indefinitely.
8. The point at which the average man reaches his sexual peak is between the ages of 17 and 18.
9. The earth could be re-populated to its current level using the number of sperm that could fit into an aspirin capsule.
10. A chicken egg could accommodate the number of female ova necessary to repopulate the earth to its present numbers.
11. During sexual intercourse, in addition to the genitals and breasts, the inner nose also swells.
12. White women are the most likely to engage in anal sex, particularly if they also have a college degree.
13. During erection, a smaller flaccid penis tends to have a greater percentage increase than a larger flaccid penis.
14. A teaspoon of semen contains approximately 5 calories.
15. Sex burns off an average of about 100 calories per session.
16. On average, from two to five million sperm are released each time a man ejaculates.
17. During any given period, women who read romance novels have a tendency to have twice as many lovers as those who don’t.
18. Almost a third of all women over 80 years of age still have sex with their spouse or boyfriend.
19. For both men and women, the heart rate averages 140 beats per minute at the point of orgasm.
20. The average woman will have sex more than 3,000 times over the course of her reproductive years.
21. Most men under 40 years of age can achieve an erection in less than 10 seconds.
22. Heterosexual anal sex is something 43% of women have experienced.
23. Women consider penis size the ninth most important feature for a man, while men rate it much more highly, in third place.
24. When a man ejaculates, the initial spurt travels at 28 miles per hour – faster than the world record for the 100m sprint, which currently stands at 22.9 miles per hour.
25. In one hour, the average sperm can swim seven inches.
26. With nothing in its path, a penis can shoot semen anywhere from 12 to 24 inches.
27. The longest erect penis on record was 13 inches. The smallest was 1cm.
28. There are 20 male masochists for every female masochist.
29. The average adult testicle contains enough sperm to measure a quarter of a mile laid out end to end.
30. For 75% of men, ejaculation occurs within 3 minutes of penetration.
31. During an average man’s lifetime, he will ejaculate approximately 17 litres of semen, which amounts to about half a trillion sperm.
32. The testes increase in size by 50% when a man is sexually aroused.
33. Australians are the most receptive to the idea of having a threesome – 28% of them claim to have tried it.
34. 1 in 50 people claim to have had sex in an aeroplane.
35. 15% of adults have had sexual intercourse at work.
36. 41% of men would like to have sex more frequently. Only 29% of women share this urge.
37. Greek couples have sex an average of 138 times a year – placing them at the top of the world sex league. Japanese couples have sex just 45 times a year, which puts them in last place.
38. 5% of adults have sex once a day. 20% have sex 3 - 4 times per week.
39. Every time they engage in oral sex with their partner, 30% of women swallow.
40. When sexually aroused, 60% of men get erect nipples.
41. Half of single women have sex by the third date.
42. 80% of men living in the USA have been circumcised.
43. Women over 40 years of age are more likely to masturbate than any other group.
44. There’s a direct link between how often a man has sex and his life expectancy.
45. According to experts, sex is about 10 times more effective as a tranquilliser than Valium.
46. Sex can relieve a headache – it releases the tension, which restricts blood vessels in the brain.
47. 44% of women find it impossible to enjoy sex with a man who is not their intellectual equal. Just 31% of men share this problem.
48. There are about 1,000 recognised euphemisms for ‘vagina’ in the English language.
49. At any given time, 25% of people are daydreaming about sex.
50. Over half of American adults have used the phone, email or text message to have sex.
51. According to studies, the larger a man’s testicles, the more likely he is to stray.
52. 75% of Japanese women own a vibrator. The average worldwide is 47%.
53. It takes two tablespoons of blood to get the average man’s penis erect.
54. During their lifetime, the average driver will have sex in their car six times.
55. Americans spend twice as much money on pornography as they do on biscuits.
56. The clitoris contains twice as many nerve fibres as the penis – a toe-curling 8,000.
57. One in five women living with their boyfriend has more than one sexual partner.
58. Besides humans, bonobos (a type of chimp) and dolphins are the only animals that have sex for pleasure.
59. It tends to be easier for women to orgasm during ovulation than at any other time in their cycle.
60. The size of the vagina decreases by 30% as orgasm becomes imminent.
61. While giving birth, some women have been known to experience orgasm.
62. Inside the female body, sperm cells can survive for up to nine days.
63. For up to 70% of women, simultaneous direct stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse is essential for them to reach orgasm.
64. Over 30% of men suffer from premature ejaculation. 10% of men are affected by erectile dysfunction.
65. It’s possible to relieve depression through masturbation.
66. The longer a man’s ring finger is compared to his index finger, the more testosterone he has.
67. The average aroused vagina is 4 inches long – shorter than the average erect penis, which measures in at 6 inches.
68. The average woman can reach orgasm in about 4 minutes through masturbation, while through intercourse, it can take 10 – 20 minutes.
69. Sneezes, along with orgasms, are the only physiological responses that cannot be voluntarily stopped once they have started.
70. Straight men tend to have smaller penises than gay men.
71. 85% of women are very satisfied with their partner’s penis size.
72. Evidence exists indicating that penis size may be linked to index finger length.
73. In rare cases, menstrual cramps have been known to bring about orgasm.
74. The amount of wet dreams a man is likely to have increases in line with the number of years spent in formal education.
75. Compared to anywhere else, adults are more likely to tell a lie in bed.
76. The majority of women prefer to have sex in the dark.
77. Men find women with enlarged pupils more sexually attractive.
78. When having sex, black women are 50% more likely to reach orgasm than white women.
79. 60% of non-smoking women have had no sexual partners in the past year, while 70% of women who smoke have had more than four lovers over the same timescale.
80. Women who are prone to migraines tend to have a higher sex drive than those who are not.
81. Thirty four per cent of men have told lies in order to have sex. Ten per cent of women have done the same.
82. More than 50% of all cheating wives choose married men as their lovers.
83. About 1% of women can achieve orgasm solely through breast stimulation.
84. Within the week, 22% of women tell at least five friends about their first sexual experience with a partner.
85. 70% of men and women admit to having fantasised about someone else while having sex.
86. Two thirds of runners admit to having thought about sex while running.
87. 68% of men and 59% of women had a sexual liaison with someone in their past, which they have not told their current partner about.


http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/comeback.jpg

[vort3xr6]

27. The longest erect penis on record was 13 inches. The smallest was 1cm.

This must be very difficult for you Zach.

[Zach929rr]

This must be very difficult for you Zach.

DOHOHOHOHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHHOHOHOHO icwatudidther

http://www.stevenhumour.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/food-network.jpg

[Zach929rr]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlg5ofEEtI/AAAAAAAACP0/qEc6irHur-k/s1600/evil_01.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlg5RWFaHI/AAAAAAAACPs/7t2biwwsoDI/s400/evil_02.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlg5DXWcTI/AAAAAAAACPk/Ik0-7B0EybI/s400/evil_03.jpg
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgs6ZMWsI/AAAAAAAACPc/axPmKU_pB9w/s400/evil_04.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgsbBhiCI/AAAAAAAACPM/Zl1dQi3LM84/s400/evil_06.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgrgh04sI/AAAAAAAACPE/u_4tyv2d1Xo/s400/evil_07.jpg
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgrTA2XdI/AAAAAAAACO8/kGks1WBzRl0/s400/evil_08.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgeLyglYI/AAAAAAAACO0/0frjYicpZ1M/s400/evil_09.jpg
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgdSnCjbI/AAAAAAAACOk/MpPRnHPFD5s/s400/evil_11.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgclxumaI/AAAAAAAACOU/b0YsogxwJPY/s400/evil_13.jpg

[Zach929rr]

http://files.g4tv.com/ImageDb3/270055_S/the-evolution-of-baggy-pants.jpg

http://hejibits.com/comics/2011-01-24-youterus.png

[Zach929rr]

http://www.zadan.nl/pics/presidential-prank/presidentialprank.jpg

[Devaclis]

http://www.meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/meh.ro7408.jpg

[Devaclis]

http://www.meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/meh.ro7403.jpg

[Zach929rr]

http://i.imgur.com/59Bip.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/HUBkW.jpg

[Devaclis]

http://www.meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/meh.ro7387.jpg

[Ezzzzy1]

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/Ezzzzy1/DSC00023.jpg

[Zach929rr]

http://lease-color-copiers.com/melvin.jpg

[Zach929rr]

http://www.virtualvideomap.com/map-of-the-modern-world.png

[Zach929rr]

http://c.cslacker.com/3510l.jpg
http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1294077376832_3660956.png

[Zach929rr]

http://louxis.com/videos/peacock/peacock2.swf

Yeah I don't even

(http://www.cosportbikeclub.org/forums/www.liveleak.com/view%253Fi%253D44f_1293505560)

[salsashark]

Chicken chicken chicken (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL_-1d9OSdk)

...and the supporting material (http://isotropic.org/papers/chicken.pdf)

[Zach929rr]

^ that was excellent

[MetaLord 9]

Chicken chicken chicken (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL_-1d9OSdk)

...and the supporting material (http://isotropic.org/papers/chicken.pdf)
I lol'd out loud

[Zach929rr]

http://www.lolpix.com/_pics/Funny_Pictures_812/Funny_Pictures_81216.jpg

[MetaLord 9]

I feel like Peta may have missed the mark on this one, 'cause I'd eat the hell outta this

http://www.downtownpet.com/blog/uploaded_images/peta-campaign-logo-780981.jpg

[MetaLord 9]

http://img2.moonbuggy.org/imgstore/herp-derp.jpg

[salsashark]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5bxOlBBgQ4

[Zach929rr]

http://lsdex.ru/wp-content/plugins/wp-o-matic/cache/7e4ab_13544_540.jpg
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http://img2.moonbuggy.org/imgstore/then-theres-denny.jpg
http://d3uwin5q170wpc.cloudfront.net/photo/108801_700b_v1.jpg

[Zach929rr]

http://www.killmydaynow.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Random-Funny-Photos-Part-140_14-595x396.jpg
http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2010/4/9/15/enhanced-buzz-9667-1270841394-4.jpg
http://www.killmydaynow.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Random-Funny-Photos-Part-140_36.jpg

[FALCONSEYE]

I am Turkish. Born and raised. I dont appreciate your stupid joke.
Got something to say, say it to my face


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlg5ofEEtI/AAAAAAAACP0/qEc6irHur-k/s1600/evil_01.jpg
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http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgrgh04sI/AAAAAAAACPE/u_4tyv2d1Xo/s400/evil_07.jpg
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http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgdSnCjbI/AAAAAAAACOk/MpPRnHPFD5s/s400/evil_11.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8JMgjANXp6M/TAlgclxumaI/AAAAAAAACOU/b0YsogxwJPY/s400/evil_13.jpg

[MetaLord 9]

I'm guessing that he would say something like "it's the internet and the csc. Taking personally always makes it better"

[brennahm]

I am Turkish. Born and raised. I dont appreciate your stupid joke.
Got something to say, say it to my face

I appreciate it.

I also don't appreciate people who can't understand JOKES. You don't think they're funny, ask the comedy club for your money back. What? It's the internet? You're offended? I'm sure there's a forum for that. Nobody here likes your terrorist ass.

[Swift]

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li0f01xtRt1qzyxgeo1_500.jpg

[Wrider]

I am Turkish. Born and raised. I dont appreciate your stupid joke.
Got something to say, say it to my face

I know exactly what you mean dude... Every time someone makes a joke about Americans, or hispanics, or fat people, or white people, or mechanics, or students, I get super offended as well... :banghead:

[Connman]

I am Turkish. Born and raised. I dont appreciate your stupid joke.
Got something to say, say it to my face


http://americanandproud.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/butthurtlg.jpg

[TransNone13]

This is my favorite version. Looks official:

http://www.patriotfiles.com/forum/imgcacheA/13331.png

[Bueller]

I am Turkish. Born and raised. I dont appreciate your stupid joke.
Got something to say, say it to my face

http://www.cosportbikeclub.org/images/MB/emoticons/urstupidup.gif