What are some good Chuck Norris jokes?

[Ezzzzy1]

Chuck Norris doesnt call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity... Twice!

Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories.

[CaneZach]

Ah, the old Chuck Norris jokes. When I first heard them back in 2005 or 2006, I thought they were hilarious.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/chuck-norris-top-50-facts

[vort3xr6]

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.

[Ghosty]

When I first heard them back in 2005 or 2006, I thought they were hilarious.
Don't you mean 1995 or 1996? :D

j/p. Everytime you think you've heard them all (hundreds), a new clever one pops up, still amusing. I think some of the "Most Interesting Man" things take a queue from the C.N. jokes.

[Ezzzzy1]

If u go to good, type it "Chuck Norris Google" then press im feelin lucky and this page comes up: http://www.nochucknorris.com/ :lol:

[grim]

Chuck Norris once pissed I'm the gas tank of a semi truck as a joke, that truck is now known as Optimus Prime!

[Hoot]

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the Circle of Life.

[Nobody]

When it rains, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

[AOK303]

Oh man there use to be epic web sites on this topic

[Ezzzzy1]

When Chuck Norris calls you have two options, Answer and Answer.

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/Ezzzzy1/577842_397110970333671_100001043158688_1221826_133 8463951_n.jpg

[birchyboy]

Chuck Norris' mirrors don't vibrate while riding, the people around him are quivering in fear.

[Zach929rr]

When Chuck Norris calls you have two options, Answer and Answer.

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/Ezzzzy1/577842_397110970333671_100001043158688_1221826_133 8463951_n.jpg

HAHA

pure gold right there

[Dr. Joe Siphek]

At Jesus' birth, Chuck Norris was the fourth wiseman...he brought the gift of "beard"

When Chuck Norris gets pullled over, he lets the cop off w/ a warning.

Chuck Norris leaves a message before the beep.

[TFOGGuys]

Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as The Peas...

[Ezzzzy1]

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a rattlesnake while hiking. After six hours of excruciating pain, the rattlesnake died.

[1BadSvt]

http://i1047.photobucket.com/albums/b478/tacmo0229/475190_3430713240674_1055653267_32709315_172863883 _o.jpg

[grim]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

[CaneZach]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down!

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

[grim]

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

[Ezzzzy1]

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

[Dr. Joe Siphek]

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris has on occasion used a stunt double...for crying scenes.

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.

When Chuck Norris was a child, he forced his parents to eat his vegetables.

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes w/ his feet.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language and speak braille.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law & Order are tradmarked names for his left and right fists.

[asp_125]

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.
Suggestions:

Run, before he finds you.
Try a different person.
Try someone less dangerous.


Search Results

[asp_125]

A lot of these jokes are old. But they are still funny...... because Chuck Norris says so.

[Ghosty]

Lone Wolf McQuade. Payoff starts at the 2:30 mark...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQkyi1_l6po

[Drano]

It is well known that Chuck Norris' tears contain the cure for cancer. Sadly he has never cried.

When the bogeyman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.