Have you been divorced if so how may times?

[grim]

Curious how many people here have been divorced on here, feel free to vent and explain why you got divorced as well.

[Snowman]

You must be board to throw this one up....

Key Why Frank's Long List of Ex's That Have Totaled His Life Rant in....

3 ...

2 ...

1 ....

[Mother Goose]

You must be board to throw this one up....


Key Frank's Extremely Long Ex's Rant in.... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ....
:spit:

I got married at 22, 5 years later we were divorced.... that took wayyyy too long to happen. :lol:

[grim]

You must be board to throw this one up....

Key Why Frank's Long List of Ex's That Have Totaled His Life Rant in....

3 ...

2 ...

1 ....

*Bored*

No not really i just find it interesting, C_M hasn't been on in awhile I don't think its cold enough outside yet. :lol:

[bulldog]

Shouldn't come as so much a surprise as divorce rate is high here in America. Even higher for 2nd and 3rd marriages (which is weird because I would think first divorces are the one where you realized you were young and marriage for wrong reasons). Sad, but true....

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
http://www.divorcerate.org/

[JKOL]

Married at 26, she filed for divorce 2 months shy of 5 year anniversary. With her a total of 8 years.

[TFOGGuys]

I am still married to the same woman after 11 years. We get divorced at least once a month...or at least threaten to. :lol:

[BC14]

I answered option 4, and am quite happy so far.

[Sleev]

After we got married, my wife turned into an overly possesive bitch. She tried to tell me I couldn't spend time with friends I've known longer than her. She keyed my friends car because I spent too much time with them one afternoon. Lots of psycho shit like that. I told her she had to get counseling or I would leave. She refused so I divorced her. Marrying her was the worst decision I've ever made in my life. Getting divorced was one of the best.

[Chaos]

Wish I could vote for 1 and 4 at the same time.

Divorced after 7 years, 13 years together total. But I was way too young and stupid, I won't ever get married again. Live with? Sure, but not married.
I hope we're one of the last generations who are preprogrammed to think that getting married is just what you're supposed to do. I think it's taken for granted and lost some of it's seriousness/importance to far too many.

[~Barn~]

I am still married to the same woman after 11 years. We get divorced at least once a month...or at least threaten to. :lol:

:lol: :applause:

[bulldog]

So should you consider someone a friend, who for years have teased you about getting divorced knowing it was the hardest thing they ever went though? Like almost lead to suicide type of hurt. And not joking teasing, but to hit you down low? Been going through my head a lot recently. Especially now that I am 100% over the divorce.

Asking here since seems like there are guys who understand that pain....

[Chaos]

I know that pain very well. Won't lie and say I got over it easily. It was well over 3 years for me. It's been 10 now and I'm loving being a bachelor! Anyone who makes fun in a mean way has never gone through it.

[~Barn~]

Since I know to whom the post could very-well be intended (eg-hmm). My .02 cents is this... You should live your life confidently and without regret, without too much need for outside influence to align your destination. Whether it's a spouse, a girlfriend, a forum buddy, a sibling, or even an ex-wife. Only through an inward, and honestly critical look at our life, can we balance the successes against the failures, the triumphs over the stumbles, and truly judge where we've landed (or at least where we're likely going...) To hell with other people's opinions, if they don't suit your sensibilities.

Life isn't about labeling our fellow beings for future occassions of "use".... Those best friends and soulmates of the world... No, life in my opinion is really only about surrounding ourselves with those who we wish to see loved and appreciated as we would have it on ourselves, and to share life with those that we willingly help flourish and nurture, as we've known it from those who have cared for us.

Simple enough in theory, but often times complex in execution.

[grim]

So should you consider someone a friend, who for years have teased you about getting divorced knowing it was the hardest thing they ever went though? Like almost lead to suicide type of hurt. And not joking teasing, but to hit you down low? Been going through my head a lot recently. Especially now that I am 100% over the divorce.

Asking here since seems like there are guys who understand that pain....

The answer to your question is through another question: Do YOU consider someone a friend who thinks it's funny or acceptable to kick someone while they are down?

[Snowman]

Marriage Vs Prostitution (http://hapakenya.blogspot.com/2007/08/marriage-vs-prostitution.html)

"Let's say the average married couples have sex 4 times a week. Now that's generous, and doesn't count the fact that once you stay with someone for a long enough period of time, the sex dries up. Over the course of a married lifetime the average amount of sex per week is probably only about once, and I reckon that's generous, given the number of people who seem to complain they're not getting it enough.

Anyway, for 4 times a week at 500 a go, that's still only 20k. You're getting more sex than the average married man, and you're more than seven and a half grand richer."

The answer is simple. How much bike can you buy for $7,500.00?

[Sarge]

Shouldn't come as so much a surprise as divorce rate is high here in America. Even higher for 2nd and 3rd marriages (which is weird because I would think first divorces are the one where you realized you were young and marriage for wrong reasons). Sad, but true....

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
http://www.divorcerate.org/

Surprising that site doesn't have more information for such a distinct title. I read an article in TIME not too long ago that detailed the distribution across education levels, and not suprisingly <= High School has the higest rate, which if I remember correctly was actually at or above 50%, while the rate of partners with >= Master's Degrees dropped into the 20%'s.

If you consider the opposite view, it's really not that unusual that subsequent marriages are even more like to fail for many reasons. The key one being that those people likely just aren't marriage material in the first place, and will likely never be, and the other is the fact that for those people divorce has become commonplace, or easy if you will. Marriage means less for these people and divorce is just a breakup you file paperwork over.

[CaptGoodvibes]

I am still married to the same woman after 11 years. We get divorced at least once a month...or at least threaten to. :lol:
Hahaha!!! Sounds familiar!

[dm_gsxr]

Well, only one ex right now. Married at 20, together for 15 years before she decided I should leave.

Second is in the works. Legal Separation kicks in Oct 30th, 1 day before our 12th anniversary. We're only doing the LS so she maintains health insurance. Once she gets a job with insurance, we'll file for full divorce.

My third wife will be a cat. :D

Carl

[Grant H.]

The answer to your question is through another question: Do YOU consider someone a friend who thinks it's funny or acceptable to kick someone while they are down?


This. Its in your definition of a friend.

For me, getting hit when your down (by good friends) has a limit. If the point is to cheer you up, and the jest is something that can do that (even though being done in a low blow manner), then we are good to go. Otherwise, it'll be a while before they hear from me again.

As for marriage, got married when I was 20, have been married since (7 years), and still going strong. We both come from family backgrounds and personal beliefs of marriage being forever.

We work through our shit, and do our best to never go to bed angry at each other.

[Clovis]

Got married at 23 and 20. We just celebrated #8 last month.

The best response Ive ever heard was from a springs cop.

How long have you been married?

"33 years...."

Wow, nice, congratulations.

"yeah... Thanks.... 33 years.... I'd be out of prison by now.."

[grim]

never go to bed angry at each other.

best advice I was ever given by a good freind, the first time you go to bed angry you might as well pack your shit and go your seperate ways.

[#1Townie]

If you aint humping its over.... for sure.

[dm_gsxr]

Yea, less than once per year for the last five is not particularly happy. Thank goodness for porn :D

:leghump: :leghump: :leghump: :leghump: :leghump:


Carl

[grim]

Yea, less than once per year for the last five is not particularly happy. Thank goodness for porn :D

:leghump: :leghump: :leghump: :leghump: :leghump:


Carl

:bigeyes: DAMN once per year? My wife notices i get irritated if we don't do it at least 3 times a week!!

[dm_gsxr]

:bigeyes: DAMN once per year? My wife notices i get irritated if we don't do it at least 3 times a week!!

And again, thank goodness for porn :D :D :D

(None at all for the last two years :( )

Carl

[bulldog]

The answer to your question is through another question: Do YOU consider someone a friend who thinks it's funny or acceptable to kick someone while they are down?


This. Its in your definition of a friend.

For me, getting hit when your down (by good friends) has a limit. If the point is to cheer you up, and the jest is something that can do that (even though being done in a low blow manner), then we are good to go. Otherwise, it'll be a while before they hear from me again.


Thanks guys; that is some of the best advice I have been given on friendship and gives me a lot to think about :up:

On the plus note, my girl is my best friend so I am very thankful for that :)

[JKOL]

So should you consider someone a friend, who for years have teased you about getting divorced knowing it was the hardest thing they ever went though? Like almost lead to suicide type of hurt. And not joking teasing, but to hit you down low? Been going through my head a lot recently. Especially now that I am 100% over the divorce.

Asking here since seems like there are guys who understand that pain....

My 2 closest friends never once made a joke about my divorce, 12 months later they still haven't. If I make a joke about it, they will laugh, but they never make jokes themselves. Everything else is fair game just as it always has been, which honestly helped get my mind off of the divorce early on. They let me know that if I needed to talk about it to call at anytime, but otherwise they just treated me the way they have for as long as I have known them.

[Sarge]

best advice I was ever given by a good freind, the first time you go to bed angry you might as well pack your shit and go your seperate ways.

I've actually heard the exact opposite from a lot of marriage counselors, etc. (Lots of mandatory training involved after deployments, and have attended a few marriage retreats, etc)

Sometimes it's best to take a breath, calm down about it, etc. Emotions tend to fade over night, and you'll often find later there's really no issue, just anger, etc. The alternative is to literally force a confrontation, and that's where the real fights happen. Sometimes if either myself or my wife is upset about something, we'll just acknowledge it and say something like "I don't want to talk about it right now, we'll discuss it tomorrow, etc." Then we just drop it and go to bed or whatever. Hardly any different than putting off an argument that starts in public until you get home, appropriate place and time etc.

[grim]

I've actually heard the exact opposite from a lot of marriage counselors, etc. (Lots of mandatory training involved after deployments, and have attended a few marriage retreats, etc)

Sometimes it's best to take a breath, calm down about it, etc. Emotions tend to fade over night, and you'll often find later there's really no issue, just anger, etc. The alternative is to literally force a confrontation, and that's where the real fights happen. Sometimes if either myself or my wife is upset about something, we'll just acknowledge it and say something like "I don't want to talk about it right now, we'll discuss it tomorrow, etc." Then we just drop it and go to bed or whatever. Hardly any different than putting off an argument that starts in public until you get home, appropriate place and time etc.

Maybe, but then the situation at hand in unresolved and the more time you let it marinate the more time that you have to think how you were right and she was wrong, and she has more time to think of how she was right and you were wrong. Then when it comes back all the anger that built up gets let out, that's how it was with my ex GF and it was pretty rough we stayed together for almost 4 years and it was miserable we always fought and the time we did just go to bed both of us angry with each other it was downhill from there.

My wife and I almost never argue, we have disagreements sure but we accept on certain things we are not going to change one another mind or views on the topic and that't the way it is. Not once have we yelled at each other or even had the opportunity to go to bed angry with each other.

[DFab]

I've been married 10 days. So far so good.

[TinkerinWstuff]

In the four years my wife and I have been married, I think we've had one disagreement that escalated into an argument. That one argument was actually about motorcycles.

Most things just aren't worth fighting over. I think we usually do a good job of identifying who has stronger feelings on an issue and the other person who doesn't have nearly as strong of an opinion on the issue at hand lets the other have it. Life is just so much easier when two people are more interested in finding a way to agree than trying to be right.

Had I known in the past what I know now, I wouldn't have wasted so much time in relationships that took so much work. I could have enjoyed a lot more whoring around while waiting for the right one to finally show up.

[Dietrich_R1]

Why is divorce so dam expensive...
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[Dietrich_R1]

BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[grim]

I've been married 10 days. So far so good.

You and raven are two peas in a pod Dan.

[stubbicatt]

I am divorced. I could point the fingers at my ex's, but that would not be productive, and avoids my responsibility of examining my conduct and my disposition. My wen. My way of being. Not for the purpose of condemnation for perceived failures or even for "self improvement," which suggests I change who I am, but rather to improve my satisfaction with my life and appreciate the intricacies of my interactions with others.

It is so hard to say, but sometimes I look at social institutions and how they have evolved, and wonder if we aren't in the middle of a social transformation with respect to some of them. I think that brick and mortar schools will be replaced in a generation by online schooling. I think that working from an office will also be replaced by virtual offices, at least to some extent. I wonder if marriage as an institution between one man and one woman for the duration of life for the purposes of raising children is something that is undergoing a lot of critical analysis by many these days.

I get along a whole lot better with women I don't live with. In fact, I have not experienced a more confining arrangement than sharing a house with someone I am involved with. Duty replaces desire, and obligation replaces joy very quickly in my experience. The freedom to choose to be a free man starts with minimizing the responsibilities one undertakes, at least for me it is so.

At least in my experience, I know I have much more quality time with my children since divorce. So from a child rearing perspective, I think perhaps my kids have benefitted from the one on one attention they receive when in my company. Perhaps others have benefitted as well this way?

There are many ways other cultures have managed with child rearing that don't involve insular family habitations.

Like I said, I don't have any answers, just some curiosity and some questions.

My son is marrying in a week or so. I wish him well, but that is not an arrangement that works for me. I hope it works for him to bring him joy and fulfillment.

(And brings me beautiful grandchildren soon!) LOL.

[stubbicatt]

You must be board to throw this one up....

Key Why Frank's Long List of Ex's That Have Totaled His Life Rant in....

3 ...

2 ...

1 ....

Frank is living his life large these days. He and Ragin' Cajun are on an epic 3000 mile ride through Utah, Arizona, and perhaps Nevada.

You would be happy for him that he is starting to live life again. :)

[TinkerinWstuff]

I am divorced. I could point the fingers at my ex's, but that would not be productive, and avoids my responsibility of examining my conduct and my disposition. My wen. My way of being. Not for the purpose of condemnation for perceived failures or even for "self improvement," which suggests I change who I am, but rather to improve my satisfaction with my life and appreciate the intricacies of my interactions with others.

It is so hard to say, but sometimes I look at social institutions and how they have evolved, and wonder if we aren't in the middle of a social transformation with respect to some of them. I think that brick and mortar schools will be replaced in a generation by online schooling. I think that working from an office will also be replaced by virtual offices, at least to some extent. I wonder if marriage as an institution between one man and one woman for the duration of life for the purposes of raising children is something that is undergoing a lot of critical analysis by many these days.

I get along a whole lot better with women I don't live with. In fact, I have not experienced a more confining arrangement than sharing a house with someone I am involved with. Duty replaces desire, and obligation replaces joy very quickly in my experience. The freedom to choose to be a free man starts with minimizing the responsibilities one undertakes, at least for me it is so.

At least in my experience, I know I have much more quality time with my children since divorce. So from a child rearing perspective, I think perhaps my kids have benefitted from the one on one attention they receive when in my company. Perhaps others have benefitted as well this way?

There are many ways other cultures have managed with child rearing that don't involve insular family habitations.

Like I said, I don't have any answers, just some curiosity and some questions.

My son is marrying in a week or so. I wish him well, but that is not an arrangement that works for me. I hope it works for him to bring him joy and fulfillment.

(And brings me beautiful grandchildren soon!) LOL.

this would be an interesting discussion/debate over a beer or two

[JKOL]

http://just.razzi.me/photos/798096/e973f07.jpg (http://razzi.me/p/798096)

This picture seems appropriate for this topic.

[dm_gsxr]

I think self examination is part of what helped us understand where we were in relation to each other and the realization that we weren't good for each other. Heck, I honestly think based on our past month or so of activities, that we could have continued being married had we just lived in two different houses and called each other to do stuff. Once the guilt over not doing everything her way was lifted, things got much happier, at least for me.

And I don't blame her. None of it is her fault, nor is it my fault. It's more that neither one of us were good at communicating what our expectations were. And I had no interest in pushing back on little things because they weren't worth the effort to pick at it. Unfortunately the little things built up over the years until it was an insurmountable mountain of little things. It's like the Boiling frog or Chinese water torture. One drop isn't a problem. Ten drops is cooling. One hundred drops is refreshing. One million drops leads to insanity.

But had we done some examination 13 years ago, we could have either come to an agreement or bailed long ago rather than letting it fester until the end.

Carl

[Jmetz]

Married and divorced once. Never again. Honestly I don't imagine being in a serious relationship again. I enjoy being able to do what I want, when I want and not having to worry about someone else, far too much. Relationships are too much headache.

[mdub]

i do what and when i want....out of respect for the relationship I do tell her what is going on. Not of all are true. What she does not know wont hurt her. next month 19yrs yo!!!!!!