domestic violence.

[#1Townie]

So I'm writing this as I'm kind of drunk. I went down a road tonight that I thought I had left behind. The willingness to kill.

I have a very good friend who has three kids. She is a single mom and is doing her best. I took them out to the desert to explore and teach the kids how to do a little shooting.

After that I hung out with my parents and watched the last ten min of the Superbowl. I had all the guns I took out to the desert back in the trunk of my bmw. Ibhave never felt the NEED to carrybto feel safe.

Well on my way home from my parents it was dark. If any of you remember the pics of my car you would know I have very dark windows. VERY! In a more open part of my town with large trees and right next to a fire museum I seen something off.

It looked like a man grabbed a woman and spun her 180 degrees and was holding her face in a very hostile manor. I was on the phone with my lady friend at the time and said what the fuck?!?!....


She asked what was going on and I said I thought I seen a man about to get very physical with a woman. I turned around at the next block. Less than 20 seconds later I was right back to where they should have been. They were gone.

I frantically looked but seen nothing. I had my drivers side window down because of my tint. Finally I heard a scream. It was very muffled but enough to give me a direction to look. What I seen was right out of a horror movie.

I pulled into this old parking lot of an abandoned halfway house area. He was on top of her and looked like he was choking her. She kept screaming for help so I jumped out of my car and yelled for him to get off her.

At this point I told my friend on the phone to call the cops. I totally forgot to tell her where I was. She stopped screaming for help. I knew he was choking her to the point she could no longer cry for help. My only thought was to grab one of my guns from my trunk.

If anyone from bmw reads this I love you. I was abkw to just walk to my trunk and with keyless entry I was able to just open my trunk and get my shotgun.

I grabbed my shotgun and racked it while screaming as mean as I could to get the fuck of her. I'm guessing he heard me rack it and looked up at me to see nothing short of a shaved head white dude with a shotgun pointed at him.

He got off her and she was able to run from him. I demanded repeatedly for him to get on the ground but he just sat there about 20 feet away starring at me. Finally he mumbled he was just trying to calm her down.

Realizing that no cops were on their way and I was the only thing between him and her and my phone was still in my car I made a decision to lower my gun.

She screamed that he was unarmed over and over and didn't want me to end up as "one of those guys". I walked back to my car and dialled 911.

After she realized the coos were close she left and ran into the night. At this point I put my gun back into my trunk and was left sitting there in the darkness alone.

You know one of the quotes that gets posted around here is something along the lines of for evil to prevail it takes good men to do nothing. Or something like that.

I don't know if she knows what tonight meant to me. I don't know if she knows what gates in my head she opened. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this right now. Maybe its the whiskey. Maybe its just the struggle in my head of good vs evil.

What I do know is he will go back to him. I hope she doesn't. But i didnwhatbi could do at the time. I haven't had the best life.

Most of the people I cared about most in this world have always bailed on me. I have committed crimes against my fellow man thatbi will never forgive myself for. But maybe tonight I saved just one person.

Maybe just maybe I gave her enough time to think this all over. Idk. I hope others would and will do the same if found in the same situation.

I'm going to end this drunken rant with a simple word from an angry man.

We have to look out for each other. We can't expect someone else to step in and be that person. Its up to each and every one of us to be that person when it counts.

I watched in my head as I killed a man tonight. I know for a fact if hebhad not let go in would have pulled that trigger. I have tried tonleave my violent past behind me. Its now clear that maybe I lived that passed to do maybe just this one thing.

Drunken rants are something in don't do often. Hope my spelling isn't too bad. Goodnight CSC. Happy Monday.

[bulldog]

Damn bro.......crazy!

I know most people would have seen that happening and ignored it or at the most called the police and hope they made it in time. Good for you man to actually have the nuts to get out and stop it! Deep down know maybe you saved this ladies life and maybe even scared the guy a bit to know that even though he is tougher than her, that there may be others.

I am sure the sh*t you have been through in the past made you see that time was of essence because things can happen fast; it has for me. I feel a man that hits a woman is just the biggest coward and I have little respect for them....at least fight a man that has a chance to defend themselves.

I think I told you my story on domestic violence, but I still think of it all the time. Went to visit my best friend in NM; had moved to Denver about 5 years prior. This was my very best friend that I hung out with daily in High School and we were very close before I left; always had eachothers back! Long story short we were at his house and he got all drunk and starting arguing with his gf; their 1 year old daughter was asleep in the back. Next I know he punches her in the face..and not a little punch, but a way a man does another man. She went down and he jumped on top of her to continue like it was a fight as she was curled up in the fetal position. Now this was like my brother so I am freaking out but know I cannot allow this so I pull him off of her and separate them. I put her in the back room and him in the front room hoping they calm down. Nope he goes to the back and punches her again and starts kicking her. I lost it and grabbed the guy and threw him threw a closet wall. I took my shirt off and said "alright bro, I ain't a woman so let's do this". Guy was scared and would not fight me and was saying "we are boys bro and you care going to choose her over me". Damn, those words hurt because I loved this guy, but at same time I could not allow this. Cops ending up coming and she said I lied and he never hit her, but they knew she as lying and arrested him. Of course cops told me this is a normal thing and they are out her all the time for this. Anyways I lost my best friend and still feel bad about it, but at same time I feel it was the right thing to do.

Sad we help though and most likely the woman goes back to the guy that beats her....I'll never understand it.

[bulldog]

I also had to stop domestic violence in my own home. Grew up with an alcoholic stepfather and one day he decided to hit my mom. Well I told him “you have to sleep sometime and you ever touch her again I swear I will kill you”. Then to add to my threat he would pass out drunk all the time on the sofa so I’d get a huge butcher knife and “accidently” wake him up so he saw me with it so he would know “yup, but the time you woke up it would be too late”. Luckily he never hit my mom again and good thing because I probably would have been one of those kids on trial for stabbing him….nobody messed with my mom though!

Crazy thing is like 4 years later when I was like 16 he decided to hit me. He was on top of me punching me and I grabbed a hammer and hit him so hard in the head he went down. Told him to call the police and I’d show them where he hit me and see who went to jail. Amazingly he never hit me again….probably figured out I had some screws loose. :lol:


He died of alcoholism so I never got a chance as a grown man to confront him and either 1) Explain how hard he made my life as a kid 2) Beat him down for what he did

[salsashark]

Damn... sounds like you were there for a reason.

Call it religion, karma, good timing... I'm not going to turn this into a faith fest/fight. However, I believe we are all guided and protected by something other than this world. Use whatever dogma you like...

I've been fortunate enough to not be put in the situations you and Bulldog have been in, but I've been on the receiving end of guidance and protection.

When I was 16, I was on my way home from school. After dropping off my friend, I jumped back into the car (1971 VW Bug) and took off down the dirt road. I came to a stop, and for some unknown reason, I put my seat belt on. Now, this was not a normal behavior, especially since the bug's belts sucked. Well, less than a mile later, I was run off the road and I flipped the car 4 times. I missed a telephone pole by inches and managed to land on what was left of the wheels. 24 years later, and I still deal with the repercussions of that accident through scars and pain. But, I'm here now. and I know that something/someone tapped me on the shoulder that day.

Hopefully, you not only saved, but changed a life.

[bulldog]

Damn... sounds like you were there for a reason.

Call it religion, karma, good timing... I'm not going to turn this into a faith fest/fight. However, I believe we are all guided and protected by something other than this world. Use whatever dogma you like...

I've been fortunate enough to not be put in the situations you and Bulldog have been in, but I've been on the receiving end of guidance and protection.

When I was 16, I was on my way home from school. After dropping off my friend, I jumped back into the car (1971 VW Bug) and took off down the dirt road. I came to a stop, and for some unknown reason, I put my seat belt on. Now, this was not a normal behavior, especially since the bug's belts sucked. Well, less than a mile later, I was run off the road and I flipped the car 4 times. I missed a telephone pole by inches and managed to land on what was left of the wheels. 24 years later, and I still deal with the repercussions of that accident through scars and pain. But, I'm here now. and I know that something/someone tapped me on the shoulder that day.

Hopefully, you not only saved, but changed a life.
Thanks man…people say I must be here for a reason and I try to believe that. I actually died in a car accident and came back to life so I must have a reason to be here; claim I was without oxygen for 20 minutes. I saw all those “lights and feelings” like they talk about that happen when you die. Worst part is my cousin died next to me and was basically only because I chose the left seat and she chose the right seat. Then even crazier is my head landed in between the fender wall and tire (head missed being crushed by inches) plus I was covered in gas (one spark and a fried bulldog)…yet I made it through….changed my life for sure and made me see how fast everything can change.

So yeah karma or some force has to be out there to make these things happen. Like what are the odds a guy like Townie would hear that lady when most people would not have got involved. Or you using your seat belt that one time….very strange.

[#1Townie]

Yeah man opening my head up to that violent place had me a little twisted last night. It is what it is I guess. I'm just happy the dumbshit didn't test the water.

I will never understand why women let this happen to them. "He's a good guy". Wtf are you talking about!! He had his hands wrapped around your neck choking the life out of you!!! HE WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU!!

I just don't get it.

Salsa you kind of want to talk about fate? So yesterday I wasn't even supposed to be in my home town. I ended up bailing on one of my friends to take a lady friend shooting. That's why I had the gage in my trunk. I never have a firearm near me.

I'm happy I had it because I didn't have to use and kind of physical force to stop him. If I hadn't I would of had to go hands on. He was raged out and I'm sure it would have been a full blown fight.

Like what happened to Nate I'm sure I would have been blamed for the fight and probably arrested.

But the look on the cops face was epic when I told him I pulled a shotgun on him. Lol. You did what? I was dude he was choking her so hard she couldn't speak. It was a life or death situation and I did what I had to do.

[bulldog]

Yeah man opening my head up to that violent place had me a little twisted last night. It is what it is I guess. I'm just happy the dumbshit didn't test the water.

I will never understand why women let this happen to them. "He's a good guy". Wtf are you talking about!! He had his hands wrapped around your neck choking the life out of you!!! HE WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU!!

I just don't get it.

Salsa you kind of want to talk about fate? So yesterday I wasn't even supposed to be in my home town. I ended up bailing on one of my friends to take a lady friend shooting. That's why I had the gage in my trunk. I never have a firearm near me.

I'm happy I had it because I didn't have to use and kind of physical force to stop him. If I hadn't I would of had to go hands on. He was raged out and I'm sure it would have been a full blown fight.

Like what happened to Nate I'm sure I would have been blamed for the fight and probably arrested.

But the look on the cops face was epic when I told him I pulled a shotgun on him. Lol. You did what? I was dude he was choking her so hard she couldn't speak. It was a life or death situation and I did what I had to do. I feel you man...grew up with violence and it was always my answer, but now I try to put that behind me. Hence why I don't want to start MMA now even though I love fighting....I get that feeling back and it is hard for me to let it go. Seems like that is what you went through. Hard to give something up, but so easy to let it back in.

Right! I was in shock when she stood there with the police and pointed at me and said "he is lying, by BF never hit me". She had a giant welt on her face that was hard to miss. So yeah that was my thanks...lost my best friend and then I get told I lied and should have stayed out of it. Of course they got back together and I was the bad guy in it all....oh well still feel I made the right decision. Some women are stupid and guess that is what they want; a guy that beats them.

I actually dated a girl that had come from a abusive relationship. She broke up with me saying "you are just too nice and I am not used to that" Then I find out she went back to her ex....dang I guess I should have hit her a few times and then I'd of been BF material. :lol:

Well Townie, you never know, but you may have saved her life. Has to be some joy in that even if we know she will probably go back to him.

[#1Townie]

Yeah when I first started dating my ex there in co she slammed a car door shut on my hand on our way to the club. I couldn't reach the handle to open the door and was like open it open it. She started backing away slowly in terror. I was like where are you going?!?!

She told me later she had been in an abusive relationship and thought I was going to beat her for it. I was like nope just wanted my smashed fingers back. Lol!

I'm with you man. I will never respect a man that puts his hands on his chick. That's your queen. Not a punching bag. Its fucking bullshit.

[j0ker]

Weird situation bro. I am real glad you turned around no matter what the fuck that lady thinks now. There are not enough people who stand up and stop this kind of bullshit.

Respect.

[mdub]

This a very tuff thread doods. I mind my own business most of the time , but seeing a woman being held dwn and choked nearly to death is unacceptable. I don't think no one would keep going on their way. Townie , who knows if you saved a life or prolong co-existing agony. Women who goes back to such relationships are most likely to be dead or maimed.

But on a side note. When I left upstate NY to drive dwn back to Richmond, Tx. I had a couple close calls with life ending results. One was tennesee or Kentucky . No it was not a run in with locals. I pull off the hwy to grab lunch at a Lorretta Lynn Kitchen. I get to a stop sign. Look left, look right. In my i head I tell my self look left again. As I did this semi with trailer comes barreling down out of no-where. Really odd cause I should have seen the trk first time I looked..Second incident was when I was only 50 miles from the house. I was cruisin 90 plus in my lil low rider for several miles. Then for an odd reason I told myself , hey better bring it dwn a few notches. As I was at this time getting near dwntwn Houston on the freeway. I see this car on its top in the middle of the freeway. If I had kept up with the speed I was going I would have smashed right into that car.... So yeah.. Coincidence in my book.

[bornwildnfree]

Thank you for stepping in and even if she does go back, someone stepped in once and that may be what it takes. There are a lot of studies done on domestic violence, and as to why they go back, it's a hugely complex issue and is often very frustrating for those standing on the outside. You did a good thing.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/12/why-didnt-you-just-leave_n_5805134.html

[j0ker]

... You did a good thing.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

[koop]

So my buddy Matt is walking his dog and sees this women get thrown out of a car. The car leaves and Matt goes over to help her. He's walking her somewhere (I forget if she lived in the neighborhood or if he was taking her to his place to call someone) and the guy circles back around and attacks Matt. Cuts him up pretty good, face and neck. Matt could have died.

http://www.denverpost.com/ci_16432860

So the police find and arrest the guy and charge him with all manner of crimes including attempted murder. Here's the kicker. The bitch he threw out of the car spoke up for him and the bond hearing asking to reduce his bond and modify the restraining order so they could have contact.

[bulldog]

So my buddy Matt is walking his dog and sees this women get thrown out of a car. The car leaves and Matt goes over to help her. He's walking her somewhere (I forget if she lived in the neighborhood or if he was taking her to his place to call someone) and the guy circles back around and attacks Matt. Cuts him up pretty good, face and neck. Matt could have died.

http://www.denverpost.com/ci_16432860

So the police find and arrest the guy and charge him with all manner of crimes including attempted murder. Here's the kicker. The bitch he threw out of the car spoke up for him and the bond hearing asking to reduce his bond and modify the restraining order so they could have contact. Wow, crazy story, but at least he was awarded with the "Hero Award" :up:

Maybe Townie did have the best tactic and is best to pull a gun...beats getting stabbed. I hate using weapons, but after being stabbed twice I decided I'd rather carry one then go through that again.

Guess I got to get Townie a award now:
https://store.nwtmint.com/images/products/3629__orig.jpg

[Ph03niX]

Wow, your guys's stories are incredible... I've never even experienced a full on fight before, let alone choking/stabbing someone. What you all did was the right thing. Why do girls lie about men hitting them? That's something that really makes me mad, and the beating in general. It's really sad what happens in this world..

[The Black Knight]

Townie, you did a great thing man. Honestly, you did more than I would have. I would have stepped in right up until the point where she started defending him. At that point, I would have re-holstered my firearm, turned to the guy and would have told him, "you may proceed sir." Get back in my vehicle and drive off.

You also took a big risk in this coming back to bite you big time. Had you intervened further and let's say shot the guy. You may have been facing a civil case from not only his family but from her as well. Luckily nothing happened and you are saved from the hassle of a court trial.

Domestic fights/dispute/violence are probably one of the toughest things for anyone to step in and try and control. Even my Uncle who was on CSPD for close to 30 years said many times, that he hated responding to Domestic Violence calls. Cause 9 out of 10 times it always turned bad for them because they would step in, cuff the assbag slapping his old lady around and then she'd turn on them and start getting upset because they are having to cuff him. It's almost better to let the guy beat the woman up and then just call in an ambulance after the fact.

I have no use for men who beat women, but I really have no use for women who get beat by men and then go back to them time after time. In my opinion those kinds of people are made for each other and deserve everything they get. It's cold and calloused to say, but sometimes some people just are better off becoming another statistic.

Again you did a good thing man. You intervened with a complete stranger. For me, the only way I'll instantly step in is if the person being attacked are my friends, family, girlfriend, etc. Honestly, strangers can fend for themselves. Way I look at it, the stranger being attacked has got every right to be armed just like I do. The fact that they choose not to be armed is really not my problem....

[bulldog]

Townie, you did a great thing man. Honestly, you did more than I would have. I would have stepped in right up until the point where she started defending him. At that point, I would have re-holstered my firearm, turned to the guy and would have told him, "you may proceed sir." Get back in my vehicle and drive off.

You also took a big risk in this coming back to bite you big time. Had you intervened further and let's say shot the guy. You may have been facing a civil case from not only his family but from her as well. Luckily nothing happened and you are saved from the hassle of a court trial.

Domestic fights/dispute/violence are probably one of the toughest things for anyone to step in and try and control. Even my Uncle who was on CSPD for close to 30 years said many times, that he hated responding to Domestic Violence calls. Cause 9 out of 10 times it always turned bad for them because they would step in, cuff the assbag slapping his old lady around and then she'd turn on them and start getting upset because they are having to cuff him. It's almost better to let the guy beat the woman up and then just call in an ambulance after the fact.

I have no use for men who beat women, but I really have no use for women who get beat by men and then go back to them time after time. In my opinion those kinds of people are made for each other and deserve everything they get. It's cold and calloused to say, but sometimes some people just are better off becoming another statistic.

Again you did a good thing man. You intervened with a complete stranger. For me, the only way I'll instantly step in is if the person being attacked are my friends, family, girlfriend, etc. Honestly, strangers can fend for themselves. Way I look at it, the stranger being attacked has got every right to be armed just like I do. The fact that they choose not to be armed is really not my problem....



I pulled into this old parking lot of an abandoned halfway house area. He was on top of her and looked like he was choking her. She kept screaming for help so I jumped out of my car and yelled for him to get off her.

At this point I told my friend on the phone to call the cops. I totally forgot to tell her where I was. She stopped screaming for help. I knew he was choking her to the point she could no longer cry for help. My only thought was to grab one of my guns from my trunk.

If anyone from bmw reads this I love you. I was abkw to just walk to my trunk and with keyless entry I was able to just open my trunk and get my shotgun.

I grabbed my shotgun and racked it while screaming as mean as I could to get the fuck of her. I'm guessing he heard me rack it and looked up at me to see nothing short of a shaved head white dude with a shotgun pointed at him.

He got off her and she was able to run from him. I demanded repeatedly for him to get on the ground but he just sat there about 20 feet away starring at me. Finally he mumbled he was just trying to calm her down.

Realizing that no cops were on their way and I was the only thing between him and her and my phone was still in my car I made a decision to lower my gun.

She screamed that he was unarmed over and over and didn't want me to end up as "one of those guys". I walked back to my car and dialled 911.

After she realized the coos were close she left and ran into the night. At this point I put my gun back into my trunk and was left sitting there in the darkness alone.

Huh??? Where in this story did she start defending him? Closest thing I saw to that was she stated saying he was "unarmed" but that was even after the fact that Townie already stopped the attack after she was screamed for help. Plus still seems like she was looking out for Townie as she didn't want him to be "one of those guys" (that I took) as a hero that gets charged for shooting the guy. The entire "she will go back to him" was all just talk associated with domestic violence. Yet you really went off their about "I wouldn't help a stranger" and defended yourself up and down. Is this some type of old guilt? :dunno: Sorry just find it sad that a person could walk away from a woman being beat because of selfishness. Just think how you would feel if you were in trouble and someone said "naw, I don't know him".....I bet you would be hurt. Like you wrecked on side of road on your bike, but their is gas all over and they feel "well I could help, but then I risk getting burnt and he was the idiot that rode those organ donor motorcycles"...harsh! As my story went I didn't know the person and actually knew the attacker (my best friend), yet I knew it was the right thing to help....guess that is just me....seems like Townie too. I also don't need to carry to feel safe though even though I own a gun!

Got to laugh at what you said though "The fact that they choose not to be armed is really not my problem". Wow, you really take this carrying a gun pretty far to think EVERYONE should carry at all times and if they do not that is their bad :?

As for why they go back, you should read the article that Bornwildandfree posted; I did. Really gives insight on why woman stay and it is not as easy as you make it seem. Dang man you ever been in love? People do stupid sh*t for love even though they know it is dumb....I am a big offender of that one. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/12/why-didnt-you-just-leave_n_5805134.html

[The Black Knight]

Huh??? Where in this story did she start defending him? Closest thing I saw to that was she stated saying he was "unarmed" but that was even after the fact that Townie already stopped the attack after she was screamed for help. Plus still seems like she was looking out for Townie as she didn't want him to be "one of those guys" (that I took) as a hero that gets charged for shooting the guy. The entire "she will go back to him" was all just talk associated with domestic violence. Yet you really went off their about "I wouldn't help a stranger" and defended yourself up and down. Is this some type of old guilt? :dunno: Sorry just find it sad that a person could walk away from a woman being beat because of selfishness. Just think how you would feel if you were in trouble and someone said "naw, I don't know him".....I bet you would be hurt. Like you wrecked on side of road on your bike, but their is gas all over and they feel "well I could help, but then I risk getting burnt and he was the idiot that rode those organ donor motorcycles"...harsh! As my story went I didn't know the person and actually knew the attacker (my best friend), yet I knew it was the right thing to help....guess that is just me....seems like Townie too. I also don't need to carry to feel safe though even though I own a gun!

Got to laugh at what you said though "The fact that they choose not to be armed is really not my problem". Wow, you really take this carrying a gun pretty far to think EVERYONE should carry at all times and if they do not that is their bad :?

As for why they go back, you should read the article that Bornwildandfree posted; I did. Really gives insight on why woman stay and it is not as easy as you make it seem. Dang man you ever been in love? People do stupid sh*t for love even though they know it is dumb....I am a big offender of that one. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/12/why-didnt-you-just-leave_n_5805134.html
Look I get it, you're "likes to step in and be the hero guy." Me?? I'm "likes to keep my freedom and not go to jail over helping someone guy."

She defended the guy by yelling he's un-armed. I mean really?? The guy was just choking her out and now she's not wanting him to be hurt?? Sorry bro, I was born at night but not last night. As soon as I see that kind of behaviour I'll turn around and leave.

Again, I value my freedom over someone else's life. I'm not risking my life and freedom for someone I don't know especially in a domestic violence situation. The ramifications of me stepping in are too dire to deal with. Sure it may go fine as with Townie. Or you could get sued by everyone under the sun and/or sent to jail for being "a hero."

And no, I've been in situations and had no help. You know what, the last thing on my mind was feeling hurt because no one stepped in to help. I didn't need some focus group to help me deal with it. You know what I did? Just dealt with it like a man and moved on.

And don't make me out to be the bad guy here. I'll be more than willing to he l p if I saw someone in an accident on the side of the road. Or someone having a medical emergency. However, when guy and his old lady are getting into it, I just keep moving on. It's none of my business and I don't want to make it my business.

Go ahead and laugh at my gun comment. You and everyone else have just as much rights to carry as I do to defend yourselves.

Remember, just because of poor planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine....

[bulldog]

Look I get it, you're "likes to step in and be the hero guy." Me?? I'm "likes to keep my freedom and not go to jail over helping someone guy."

She defended the guy by yelling he's un-armed. I mean really?? The guy was just choking her out and now she's not wanting him to be hurt?? Sorry bro, I was born at night but not last night. As soon as I see that kind of behaviour I'll turn around and leave.

Again, I value my freedom over someone else's life. I'm not risking my life and freedom for someone I don't know especially in a domestic violence situation. The ramifications of me stepping in are too dire to deal with. Sure it may go fine as with Townie. Or you could get sued by everyone under the sun and/or sent to jail for being "a hero."

And no, I've been in situations and had no help. You know what, the last thing on my mind was feeling hurt because no one stepped in to help. I didn't need some focus group to help me deal with it. You know what I did? Just dealt with it like a man and moved on.

And don't make me out to be the bad guy here. I'll be more than willing to he l p if I saw someone in an accident on the side of the road. Or someone having a medical emergency. However, when guy and his old lady are getting into it, I just keep moving on. It's none of my business and I don't want to make it my business.

Go ahead and laugh at my gun comment. You and everyone else have just as much rights to carry as I do to defend yourselves.

Remember, just because of poor planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine....

Like???? WTF! I bet 95% of heroes do not do it because they like it, they do it because they are good people. See I feel this is what is wrong with society nowadays. Everyone is out for themselves now and it is creating a very selfish society where it is all about “me, me, me”.

You made a huge assumption about this lady that I am not so sure about. If she was so “defending” him why didn’t she attack Townie or at least do something more than say “he is unarmed”. Again, I feel she was looking out for Townie not wanting him to get charged. Even so if that was “defending” then it was a pretty lame attempt especially since she left this guy and ran off alone.

Bad guy? Pretty sure you made yourself out to be that when you basically stated you would not help out a stranger in this situation; because you have no compassion for domestic violence victims. Then you gave reasons why it could affect you…again, me, me, me. You assume that all domestic violence victims go back to the man, but you do not know if this is truly the case here. It could have been his first time and now she did leave him; we do not know. You just act like it is the victims fault because they do not carry a gun like you! Not sure where you think we live, but needing to carry a gun at all times is just ridiculous and just shows you do not know the true violence that goes on in this world. I’ve lived in CO now over 15 years and have not once found a time where I needed a gun and when that times comes I will carry too, but we are far from that time. Actually crime has decreased over the years.

Remember, just because you are a scared guy, does not mean all men are that way too :lol:

[TFOGGuys]

A cop is 7 times as likely to be shot each time they respond to a DV call as they are responding to an armed robbery call. Think about it: Armed robbers want to get away with their loot. DV calls are all about very strong emotions, not rational thought. Townie, you clank when you walk, because it takes big brass ones to step into that kind of situation. Good on ya!

[The Black Knight]

Like???? WTF! I bet 95% of heroes do not do it because they like it, they do it because they are good people. See I feel this is what is wrong with society nowadays. Everyone is out for themselves now and it is creating a very selfish society where it is all about “me, me, me”.

You made a huge assumption about this lady that I am not so sure about. If she was so “defending” him why didn’t she attack Townie or at least do something more than say “he is unarmed”. Again, I feel she was looking out for Townie not wanting him to get charged. Even so if that was “defending” then it was a pretty lame attempt especially since she left this guy and ran off alone.

Bad guy? Pretty sure you made yourself out to be that when you basically stated you would not help out a stranger in this situation; because you have no compassion for domestic violence victims. Then you gave reasons why it could affect you…again, me, me, me. You assume that all domestic violence victims go back to the man, but you do not know if this is truly the case here. It could have been his first time and now she did leave him; we do not know. You just act like it is the victims fault because they do not carry a gun like you! Not sure where you think we live, but needing to carry a gun at all times is just ridiculous and just shows you do not know the true violence that goes on in this world. I’ve lived in CO now over 15 years and have not once found a time where I needed a gun and when that times comes I will carry too, but we are far from that time. Actually crime has decreased over the years.

Remember, just because you are a scared guy, does not mean all men are that way too :lol:
Yeah I'm not going to even take the time to address something so asinine.

[bulldog]

Yeah I'm not going to even take the time to address something so asinine. We agree there at least, because that is how I feel about your statements :lol:

At least go at least read the link Bornwildandfree posted and maybe that will help change your opinion on domestic violence.

[#1Townie]

Hold on guys simmer down. Bk has every right to feel the way he does. And honestly I can't blame him.

She was defending him. Not me. She used all the typical lines. He's a good guy. He's not normally like this. Blah blah. At no point was she defending me in any way.

I hate the word hero. It should be saved for people who actually go above and beyond. I didn't do that. I just met force with force.

Look at what happened to that other guy. Throat cut. Slashed the fuck up. Why would anyone want to risk that for a stranger?

No man I can't say I blame anyone for not wanting to step into that.

[bulldog]

Hold on guys simmer down. Bk has every right to feel the way he does. And honestly I can't blame him.

She was defending him. Not me. She used all the typical lines. He's a good guy. He's not normally like this. Blah blah. At no point was she defending me in any way.

I hate the word hero. It should be saved for people who actually go above and beyond. I didn't do that. I just met force with force.

Look at what happened to that other guy. Throat cut. Slashed the fuck up. Why would anyone want to risk that for a stranger?

No man I can't say I blame anyone for not wanting to step into that. I get it, but I do respect you more for doing what you did and you know "respect" means a lot in my book. You may talk sh*t, but at least it shows you can back it up and are not a scared guy. I just think if this was my mom or sister I'd be very grateful a guy like you stepped in even if the woman was not grateful. :up:

[Ezzzzy1]

Some people are drawn to help others, others are taught to mind their own business.

I am someone that helps whenever I can. Hell, its part of the reason I carry every single day. I applaud you doing what you did townie and would have been prepared to do the same exact thing.

I feel that I am a pretty good judge of knowing when to mind my own, but also know that I wouldnt hesitate in a minute if I thought someones life were in danger.

Its that simple.

[Mel]

Interesting blog looking at both sides, and the psychology behind abuse and the defense / returning to the abusers.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/08/living/inside-batterers-mind/


Statistics time:
INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE IN U.S.

Victims of severe physical violence:
1 in 4 women
1 in 7 men

Raped in the course of a lifetime:
1 in 5 women
1 in 59 men

Stalked during a lifetime:
1 in 6 women
1 in 19 men


So look at your friends...do you know which one is being abused and hiding it?

[~Barn~]

Holy shit! A post from Mel.

[bulldog]

Interesting blog looking at both sides, and the psychology behind abuse and the defense / returning to the abusers.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/08/living/inside-batterers-mind/ Holy sh*t a post from Mel:hibye:

Thanks I'll check it out. I have to say the link that bornwildandfree put up made me see things a bit different when you read the victims story and how it is not easy to get out of.

Personally my mom fell into the "money" story because even though she was not beat-up (cuz I stopped that) we had to live with the guy for years before she could afford to get away. Luckily she did and it was better for her, but I did hear my mom crying many times saying she wants to throw him out, but she could not afford to do it on our own and would have ended up with her and I homeless. I am sure without me she could have got away easier, but she is a great mom that put up with things because she had little other choices.

Statistics are crazy that you posted; and mental abuse isn't even on their...scary! I was "mentally abused" for many years and nobody knew and as a kid I didn't know any better to really say anything till I got older. He even hid it from my mother well and was different when she was around, but when she left the mental abuse started. Now as a adult I see how bad he was and how much it effected me.

[Mel]

"Codependence" is a wicked situation to get yourself out of. Example: girl lived with boyfriend who she says she's scared of (or at least insinuates that she has to do things or he'll get mad). Finally says she wants out, but can't afford it and gets her parents to pay for condo for her and what not so she can "get away". Boyfriend moves in within 6 months. Luckily no kids, but that circle pattern is a bitch which is going to get repeated over and over.

[bornwildnfree]

Here's an article on why we blame the victim. http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-we-will-always-blame-victim/ I think #2 is where Black Knight is coming from, but..."People consistently think that it's easier to stand up for yourself than it actually is." You don't know what you would do until you are actually in that situation. Until you are helpless, without hope and with a Justice system and society stacked against you, constantly being told how worthless and sometimes, even having it beaten into you, you won't know what you would do. Maybe you are strong enough to walk away. Maybe you're not.

For the longest time, I used to ask why they didn't just walk away, after all, I did. Then I had a really good friend in an abusive relationship and I had to step in a couple of times. I started doing research into DV, for my own sanity because that person kept going back. I wanted to know why, and what I could do to help. I found that, IMHO, it comes down to fear. Fear of the unknown, fear that their tormentor is right (after all that person is their whole world), fear that, even though life in their situation is bad, life out there could be way worse. It takes a massive amount of will power to take that step of faith, and an already damaged individual (whether they were damaged to begin with or through the abuse) may not have the strength to take the step. The only thing you can do is be there when they try and not judge when they go back. Emotions are powerful things.

[WolFeYeZ]

So I read your story Townie. What ended up happening to the guy? The cops pick him up or did he run off also?

[#1Townie]

So I read your story Townie. What ended up happening to the guy? The cops pick him up or did he run off also?

Yeah he split when I went to get my phone. I only got first names and what they were wearing. Not a whole lot for the police to work with.

To be really honest I don't think I could ID the guy even if they got him. It was dark and all I was thinking was watch his hands. Mostly focused on his chest waiting for him to do something stupid.

[bulldog]

It is nice to get the female perspective on this because most domestic violence cases the woman is the victim. I agree and it is not as easy as some people, but it is easy to say “they can leave” and just blame the victim and be content with themselves to say “the victim is a idiot and not my problem”. Yet very few men understand what it is like to be abused and the fear that can come from a man twice as big and strong. The abusers I have met have been some of the most manipulative people I have ever met and they know exactly what to say and do to get the female back; they know they are not going to change, but the women hopes and prays they do. These guys are good at what they do because very few abusers do it once and most are guys that have done this in every relationship they have been in and have lots of practice.


So yeah it is not the smartest move, but I still feel bad for these women even if I do not understand why they go back. Bottom line is no woman should be hit regardless if they put themselves back in trust of that person.


As for “they should be armed”, their have been many cases were a woman shots her abuser and then gets charged with murder. Some people assume whipping out a gun solves it all, but the gun can be taken and used against you (I believe even cops say to not do this). Even if a person does shoot someone in self defense it is a lengthy costly trail they just set themselves up for.

[Drano]

Love is also a very tricky thing, and influences people in ways that can be difficult to rationalize. My father is fairly level-headed, and not violent at all, until you say something negative about his wife, then you're on the floor in the amount of time it takes his fist to meet your face. Secondly, love has a tendency for partners to minimize/tolerate the flaws they see in each other. Women in these situations can, at times, play down the severity, either out of hope that one day it will stop, or as BWF said, out of fear of the unknown. As men, it's easy to say, "Just walk away." But, love creates an emotional investment that can be difficult, if not impossible, to undo without constant support from good family members, friends, and/or counselors.

While this is a much too simplified allegory it might lend some perspective:


I knew a guy that had a car that was an absolute lemon. Despite the fact that the car kept breaking down, the guy kept fixing it. He'd spend most of his spare time under that hood, and friends would ask him, "Why don't you just get rid of that piece of junk and get something more reliable?" He'd just shrug and say, "I'll have it up and running in no time."

What his friends didn't understand was this man loved his car. To him it was more than just a collection of parts. He knew every inch of it. Every moment he was working on that car he was putting some of his soul into it as well. To part with this thing he loves would be like removing a limb. In the end, that car never ran perfectly, and he spent the remainder of his life wondering when something else would break, but when it did, he was right back under that hood wrenching away. Could he have gotten a new car? Sure. Should he have? Most likely. But for whatever reason, he kept it. Likely because he held onto hope that one day he would finally fix it.

[bulldog]

Love is also a very tricky thing, and influences people in ways that can be difficult to rationalize. My father is fairly level-headed, and not violent at all, until you say something negative about his wife, then you're on the floor in the amount of time it takes his fist to meet your face. Secondly, love has a tendency for partners to minimize/tolerate the flaws they see in each other. Women in these situations can, at times, play down the severity, either out of hope that one day it will stop, or as BWF said, out of fear of the unknown. As men, it's easy to say, "Just walk away." But, love creates an emotional investment in that can be difficult, if not impossible, to undo without constant support from good family members, friends, and/or counselors.

While this is a much too simplified allegory it might lend some perspective:

For sure! I've been beat up, stabbed, hit over head with crowbar, numerous surgeries, etc and none came close to the pain I felt when losing love (divorce). I never understood "love hurts" till it happened to me and took a long time for me to get over it.

[Mel]

One thing to also keep in mind (on the topic of leaving vs. staying) is the emotional abuse component that goes along with at least a good portion of physical abuse cases. It's one thing to be scared about what will happen if you leave, or fear of the unknown or financial concerns. It's another entirely to think that you CAN'T do it, because you aren't good enough, because no one else will love you, because you're damaged, or because you deserve what you're getting. Imagine someone who spends YEARS being told in those little ways that they are "lucky to have someone" or that they have it good because "no one else would love [them]" or that things only happened because of what they did wrong.

"I wouldn't yell if you'd just...."
"this is your fault, you started this...."
"you're lucky I love you because no one else would put up with you".

That article I'd shared above goes into how that starts in the most minor of ways...you don't start out dating someone who is an abusive asshole...you start out dating someone who maybe doesn't like your friends, or doesn't think you should go out on your own, or whatever. And then years later you're so entrenched in it and so used to hearing that you're worthless to the rest of the world that you have nothing...you have no friends, you've isolated yourself from your family, and you've never told anyone that it's happening because you've never realized it.

Domestic violence is a lot more than just slapping your girlfriend once in awhile. And it's a lot more than being too weak to get out, or too scared to leave. It's about believing in your heart that you deserve what it happening, that you caused it.

[bulldog]

One thing to also keep in mind (on the topic of leaving vs. staying) is the emotional abuse component that goes along with at least a good portion of physical abuse cases. It's one thing to be scared about what will happen if you leave, or fear of the unknown or financial concerns. It's another entirely to think that you CAN'T do it, because you aren't good enough, because no one else will love you, because you're damaged, or because you deserve what you're getting. Imagine someone who spends YEARS being told in those little ways that they are "lucky to have someone" or that they have it good because "no one else would love [them]" or that things only happened because of what they did wrong.

"I wouldn't yell if you'd just...."
"this is your fault, you started this...."
"you're lucky I love you because no one else would put up with you".

That article I'd shared above goes into how that starts in the most minor of ways...you don't start out dating someone who is an abusive asshole...you start out dating someone who maybe doesn't like your friends, or doesn't think you should go out on your own, or whatever. And then years later you're so entrenched in it and so used to hearing that you're worthless to the rest of the world that you have nothing...you have no friends, you've isolated yourself from your family, and you've never told anyone that it's happening because you've never realized it.

Domestic violence is a lot more than just slapping your girlfriend once in awhile. And it's a lot more than being too weak to get out, or too scared to leave. It's about believing in your heart that you deserve what it happening, that you caused it. Yup, like I said they are great manipulators...some of the best! Seen it over and over again and like you said it starts out slowly till they make the women fall in love with the "fake" person they are

[#1Townie]

And just to see what the crowd has to say on this.

http://youtu.be/gOyrYThlOag

[Ph03niX]

And just to see what the crowd has to say on this.

http://youtu.be/gOyrYThlOag
Wow.. I can't really even think of anything to say to that. I mean, women generally aren't as strong as guys. And guys are normally made out to be the bad one. Geez.. I don't know. That's pretty sad. I dont even know what I would do If I saw a guy getting hit by a girl. I guess it depends on the severity to be honest. But if it was a girl getting hit, I would definitely get involved..

[bulldog]

Wow.. I can't really even think of anything to say to that. I mean, women generally aren't as strong as guys. And guys are normally made out to be the bad one. Geez.. I don't know. That's pretty sad. I dont even know what I would do If I saw a guy getting hit by a girl. I guess it depends on the severity to be honest. But if it was a girl getting hit, I would definitely get involved.. I think that is why some men carry guns on them at all times...that is a "fear for you life" situation right? I mean we can't be sexist now :lol: just kidding :D

Notice how in all the situations someone stepped in for the women...good thing they didn't think of only themselves in that situation. Makes me happy to know there are still good people who would get involved. Of course I love the big black guy; just straight up pulls the guy off and throws him to the floor.....then was ready to go if the guy wanted. I know not the best thing, but a guy that hits a woman needs to know what it is like to get hit back by someone bigger; irony but maybe them feeling that would make them realize the pain.

As for the woman beating the man. I think in reality it may have mattered if the girl was actually bigger and stronger, but in this case even a guy as small as he was would definitely be stronger than that woman. So if it got bad most assume he could get away and not be in as much danger as smaller woman in her situation. Now if this was some huge lady beating on some tiny man I bet more people would get involved. I'd just look at it and think "dang that guy had some great self control...good for him" (in that situation).

[bornwildnfree]

Men are just as likely to be victims of abuse and have even less options. If he hits her back, 99.9% of the time he's going to jail for it even though she beats him. It's something we as a society need to change.

[bulldog]

Men are just as likely to be victims of abuse and have even less options. If he hits her back, 99.9% of the time he's going to jail for it even though she beats him. It's something we as a society need to change. According tot he stats Mel posted for men it is 1 in 7 (women are 1 in 4). Even that amazes me, but I am sure it happens more than we think and the man is embarrassed and doesn't tell anyone.

I honestly cannot think of one guy I know that may have been a victim of domestic violence, but know quite a few woman that have. Not arguing about stats, but I never have seen it.

[#1Townie]

What I would have loved to have seen is if the guy would have defended himself. Maybe in just one quick push. Just to see what people would have said.

But the sad part was the first w vs m clip. One of the bystanders not only found it funny but slapped the victim around a bit too.

You are watching a guy get the shit slapped out of him and you walk up and join the fun? Kind of a fun double standard.

[#1Townie]

According tot he stats Mel posted for men it is 1 in 7 (women are 1 in 4). Even that amazes me, but I am sure it happens more than we think and the man is embarrassed and doesn't tell anyone.

I honestly cannot think of one guy I know that may have been a victim of domestic violence, but know quite a few woman that have. Not arguing about stats, but I never have seen it.


A guy I used to work with now has scars on his face from a girlfriend biting his eye. Well eyebrow. He has come to work with black eyes and all that fun stuff. Lol. And this dude can scarp. She was just crazy and he couldn't do anything because he knew it would take full force to stop her.

It happens. And honestly man women were some of the most difficult to deal with in repo. Only time I ever had someone put their hands on me during a repo was a woman.

She repeatedly hit me outside of this bar while the other guy hooked it. I knew I could do absolutely nothing as there was a large crowd watching and lots of alcohol in play. Just sat there and took it until the other guy was able to drag the car off into the night. Lol

[j0ker]

A guy I used to work with now has scars on his face from a girlfriend biting his eye. Well eyebrow. He has come to work with black eyes and all that fun stuff. Lol. And this dude can scarp. She was just crazy and he couldn't do anything because he knew it would take full force to stop her.

It happens. And honestly man women were some of the most difficult to deal with in repo. Only time I ever had someone put their hands on me during a repo was a woman.

She repeatedly hit me outside of this bar while the other guy hooked it. I knew I could do absolutely nothing as there was a large crowd watching and lots of alcohol in play. Just sat there and took it until the other guy was able to drag the car off into the night. Lol

I just got out of a 20 year marriage where my wife was (at times) batshit crazy and would physically attack me. Over the years she has came at me with a hammer, several different knives, she has bit me so hard I had scars for almost a year, a drawer from her clothes chest, several large pots and pans, several large glass bowls and just anything she could get her hands on to hit or throw at me. I have 5 kids with this woman, and when she wasn't trying to kill me she was partially decent to be with. I stayed with her largely because of my kids. Now that we are not together, she is transferring that anger and violence onto my kids.

The point of this is that I am a good sized, pretty capable guy and I let this happen to me cause I "loved her" and didn't want my kids to be raised in a broken home. My home was already broken, I just didn't realize it.

[~Barn~]

Co-ed grappling at the next CSC Summer BBQ. It has to happen.

Dibs on Mel.

[bornwildnfree]

I just got out of a 20 year marriage where my wife was (at times) batshit crazy and would physically attack me. Over the years she has came at me with a hammer, several different knives, she has bit me so hard I had scars for almost a year, a drawer from her clothes chest, several large pots and pans, several large glass bowls and just anything she could get her hands on to hit or throw at me. I have 5 kids with this woman, and when she wasn't trying to kill me she was partially decent to be with. I stayed with her largely because of my kids. Now that we are not together, she is transferring that anger and violence onto my kids.

The point of this is that I am a good sized, pretty capable guy and I let this happen to me cause I "loved her" and didn't want my kids to be raised in a broken home. My home was already broken, I just didn't realize it.

Go you for getting out and thank you for sharing :-)

[Mel]

You know, continuing to contemplate this situation and looking back at people I know who have been through some stuff...simply "getting out" of a situation doesn't undo the damage. It doesn't rollback time, all it does is allow you to move forward as damaged as you may be.
I've seen kids, who have been out of the situation for over 5 years, still cringe when approached quickly. Seen teenagers still burst into tears at parental figures (new parental figures, both foster and step) when voices are raised, even if not in anger.
I've seen adults, fully grown, moved on, been through therapy etc, still have a panic attack at a stranger or random person (co worker, neighbor) yelling or condescending them.

[bulldog]

Yeah I have seen the damage last a long time. I see the same issues with rape victims. Had a female friend who was repeatedly raped as a kid and now over 30 she still has issues dealing with it; just talking about it is even hard for her and she went to counseling for years. I've know another one lady that basically is "bi-polar" from being molested as a kid and they feel her mental issues have a lot to do with those traumatic situations. As I said I was mentally abused as a kid and for the longest time I had very low self esteem and thought I was a ugly kid; followed me to adulthood and I have learned how to deal with those issues, but amazes me how much that affected me.

This may be the saddest part because the abuser doesn't realize they leave emotional scares that last for a lifetime.

[Mel]

This may be the saddest part because the abuser doesn't realize they leave emotional scares that last for a lifetime.

In many cases, the abuser doesn't realize that they ARE an abuser...it's not intentional, it's not a conscious decision (most of the time) to say/do the things that they do with the implicit intent to harm. While I know that *some* parents are less than ideal, but as a vast majority, a parent doesn't intend to scare their child, or make them feel squashed or worthless, but they do it unintentionally.
I know this isn't going to be popular just as a result of other discussions on here, but take a child...a toddler. You think you should spank them when they misbehave, right? Teach them that there is a little pain with bad decisions? Look at that toddler as a 5 or 6 year old now...old enough to understand right and wrong and make conscious decisions...you realize that that same child cringes away when you reach to take something away from them? Or when you yell at them for taking a cookie when they didn't ask? Is that because you've taught them to appropriately "respect your authority", or because they are terrified of the physical ramifications of your anger?
Sorry to some of the "old school" parents...but respect is EARNED, even from your child, not just given because you provided them genetic material.

[Kim-n-Dean]

I'm sitting in a meeting, bored, so I read a lot of this thread and all I have to say is thank god Kim can take a punch!!!

[Mel]

I'm sitting in a meeting, bored, so I read a lot of this thread and all I have to say is thank god Kim can take a punch!!!

I'm reading this thinking...man you're going to get your ass kicked when you get home ;-)

[The Black Knight]

In many cases, the abuser doesn't realize that they ARE an abuser...it's not intentional, it's not a conscious decision (most of the time) to say/do the things that they do with the implicit intent to harm. While I know that *some* parents are less than ideal, but as a vast majority, a parent doesn't intend to scare their child, or make them feel squashed or worthless, but they do it unintentionally.
I know this isn't going to be popular just as a result of other discussions on here, but take a child...a toddler. You think you should spank them when they misbehave, right? Teach them that there is a little pain with bad decisions? Look at that toddler as a 5 or 6 year old now...old enough to understand right and wrong and make conscious decisions...you realize that that same child cringes away when you reach to take something away from them? Or when you yell at them for taking a cookie when they didn't ask? Is that because you've taught them to appropriately "respect your authority", or because they are terrified of the physical ramifications of your anger?
Sorry to some of the "old school" parents...but respect is EARNED, even from your child, not just given because you provided them genetic material.
I don't know, I'll have to disagree with you on some of that. For me, growing up I was taught to show respect for my elders regardless of who they are. I knew that if I disrespected an elder and my parents heard about it, I'd get nailed for it.

Same with spanking. I can remember way back, in fact my earliest memories are from when I was 2 years old. Most of it is fragmented up until the age of 4 or 5 when I really remember a lot of my childhood. I will say this, I didn't start getting spanked until I was around 5 or 6, lasting all the way up til I was around 12-13ish. From my dad, I'd get the belt or hand spanked. From my mom, it was either slapped in the mouth/face or wooden spoon on the hands. Same with my Grandparents if they disciplined me.

The thing is, you can't not spank your children. Spanking a child teaches them several lessons. One, being the obvious is that you're getting pain for doing wrong. It's a hard lesson but one that must be learned. Two, you're learning why you're getting spanked. My parents always told me the reasons why I was getting spanked. The best part about it?? I never did the same thing twice. Third, you're learning a little self humiliation. You must learn to be humble and be willing to be humiliated in order to learn your lesson. Nothing embarrassed me more than being spanked in public. I didn't care about the pain I was going to feel, I just knew other people were going to see me get spanked for being unruly. That's why I learned my lessons and learned them well.

Which is why I'm dumbfounded by people who can't control their own children in public. People let children scream at restaurants, let them be loud and noisy in movie theaters, let them throw temper tantrums in public, etc. etc... For me growing up, if I got out of line in public, Dad either gave me a very stern verbal warning, and then the next time I was off to the restroom with him for a spanking. I was always within arms reach of him. Yet, parents nowadays don't secure their children and make the rest of us suffer because of it. As an adult now, nothing infuriates me more than parents who let their kids run off at the mouth and not control them in public. It takes all the self control I have to not want to go over and punch the dad, slap the mom and then put the bratty kid over my knee for a spanking.

Of all the times I was disciplined physically. Never once did I look at it as abuse. I knew I screwed up and this was my punishment. Every spanking/discipline I got, I earned it.. I never winced away from an adult if they came at me fast, or have issues of panic attacks when someone raises their voice.

But see I grew up in a very strict and disciplined home. My dad was preparing me to be a man one day and I thank him completely for the lessons he taught me. I agree with you, beating a child is wrong and should not be tolerated. However, spanking/disciplining a child is correct in my opinion and should be done accordingly. My parents never beat me, they taught me lessons, lessons that I needed to learn. Being an only child I was taught, that the world will not help you, and you will have to learn to help yourself. I was taught, rely on no one and only yourself. I was also taught to defend those who can't defend themselves(however, a domestic altercation is something I don't get in the middle of).

Lastly, I don't post personal information. One thing I've learned from The Godfather is, "never tell anybody out side the family what you're thinking." And I hold true to that for the most part. I only share what I feel necessary but as a rule I'm a private person and I feel my background, my personal life are no ones business.

But I feel I must share this. My mother was a victim of physical abuse from her first husband(obviously not my Dad - her second husband). You know what, everyone on here talks about how women are afraid to leave because of the monetary problems, or the feeling of lack of worth. I'm here to tell you my Mother defied all those excuses. She is the exception and not the rule. Her first husband beat her once and ONCE was enough. She packed her things, left and immediately filed for divorce. For sure it ruined her financially, the divorce wrecked her credit and life for a short time. But it's all in what made her stronger and made her the woman she is today. She didn't need pity, she didn't need for someone to save her. She called her brother(my uncle former CSPD) to come get her as she couldn't drive. He picked up, went to the hospital, got fixed and moved on from there. She never once let her abuser take control of her. Now 35 years later, she's happily married to my Dad, who changed her view on men. He stepped up and delivered what her first husband couldn't.

So you people wonder why I wouldn't step in and break up a domestic problem. Because I have living proof that it can be done and the woman can have the strength to walk away.







P.S.(this isn't directed at you Mel, it's for others who think me scared)
I ain't scared of anything. My belief in my Creator gives me full strength to handle any problem(s) that come my way. I'm not a world class fighter or trained in all forms of fighting. I can hold my own and I ain't afraid to throw punches. I've never been one to back down of handling a situation with my hands. But put a gun in my hand and I really ain't scared of sh*t..... :D

[Kim-n-Dean]

I'm reading this thinking...man you're going to get your ass kicked when you get home ;-)You are probably right!!:slap:

Damn BK, you took the words right out of my mouth. I was spanked, never beaten. Never saw it as abuse. To this day when Kim meets my family members, the first thing they tell her is how well behaved my brother and I were. We behaved out of respect, not fear. There was no way I was going to embarrass or cause problems for my Mom in public.

I want to do the same things you mentioned, when in public and some little shit factory is running around out of control!! I'm so embarrassed for the parents and they just don't give a shit. They act like it's their right to have their booger eater invading my life.

With just about every kid (and adult) being addicted to social media and parents inability to discipline their kids, it's pretty frightening to think how things are going to be years down the road.

As a side note - I am VERY proud to say that I have never had a Face Book account and I have never even seen Twitter...

[The Black Knight]

You are probably right!!:slap:

Damn BK, you took the words right out of my mouth. I was spanked, never beaten. Never saw it as abuse. To this day when Kim meets my family members, the first thing they tell her is how well behaved my brother and I were. We behaved out of respect, not fear. There was no way I was going to embarrass or cause problems for my Mom in public.

I want to do the same things you mentioned, when in public and some little shit factory is running around out of control!! I'm so embarrassed for the parents and they just don't give a shit. They act like it's their right to have their booger eater invading my life.

With just about every kid (and adult) being addicted to social media and parents inability to discipline their kids, it's pretty frightening to think how things are going to be years down the road.

As a side note - I am VERY proud to say I do not have a Face Book account and I have never even seen Twitter...

Same here, ditched Facebook almost 5 years ago and had MySpace ever so briefly. I don't do Twitter and don't ever care to. I mainly used Facebook to post cool videos I'd find on YouTube for my friends, instead of bombing them with a link in a text message. Figured if I threw it up there they could watch it whenever. Alas, I didn't care for all the drama and BS alerts you get when someone posts they just had a sandwich for lunch. I had very little personal info there and had some photos but that was about it.

I really do take that quote from The Godfather to heart. "Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again." There's stuff I'll share with co-workers(which is usually very limited), stuff I'll share with close friends, stuff I only share with my parents and then there's stuff only I know about. I play everything close to the vest and share nothing unless I want to. I can't stand those who meet you for the first time and 5 minutes into the conversation you know whats going on in their private life. I never have the heart to ask those kinds of people, "Didn't your parents every raise you to have a filter??"

[bulldog]

I think there is a difference between abuse and discipline. I have the best mom ever, but she slapped me a few times growing up. Yet when I think about it I deserved every one and it did teach me respect. I never once thought of it as abuse and am actually thankful for it now; have friends that were not disciplined and they turned out to be bad adults. Even to this day I would never disrespect my mom and I look at kids nowadays yelling and cursing at their parents and it really saddens me.

I am not a parent so it is hard for me to say what works though :dunno: I do think nowadays it would be harder to be a parent. You can't hit a kid, social media, technology, etc just seem to make a kid grow up faster. As a kid if I found a Playboy it would be crazy, but now I think how kids can get on the internet and have hardcore porn. Pretty much any info is at their fingertips; I know people say they block it, but reality is some kids are better at technology than their parents and find ways.


P.S. I do not have a Facebook account either or a MySpace! F*ck that shit, caused more drama than it was worth.....

[#1Townie]

Things crossed the lines a small number of times. I think there is a very fine line that parents need to maintain and maybe a moment to think about the proper punishment would be a good idea.

Fact is there is a difference between beat and discipline. If you're using a 2x4 its no longer punishment.

On the flip side I can talk about a very close childhood friend who's parents were her friends. That whole situation went downhill real quick.

It was our drug house. Amazing how when we first started hanging out we couldn't even go into the house. Lol. Next thing I know I'm eating acid with her dad and smoking meth at the kitchen table.

Like I said a fine line. Too much of either way all seems to have the same consequences.

Dean do you need a security guard when you get home? Lol.

Bk I actually understand your point from your first post. I actually swore off helping people a few times. I can't seem to keep that promise to myself. Lol. Guess I will always be dumb enough to stick my nose into situations.

[The Black Knight]

I've never sworn off helping people. There's just some instances where I will not intervene man.