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Thread: LOLZ Cat and Calling in Sick to Work

  1. #1
    Senior Member sky_blue's Avatar
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    Talking LOLZ Cat and Calling in Sick to Work

    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

    The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. 'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.' 'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!' 'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?' There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

    So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

    I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

    When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all.

    A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out
    of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. 'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?' If they only knew!



    Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member 636chick's Avatar
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    Re: LOLZ Cat and Calling in Sick to Work

    Sweet Jesus!!!!! 10 Minutes later I am so still laughing my ass off.......I think I peed my pants also, but it was so worth it. The visual of that joke just place husbands face in their freakin funny!!!!
    One time I got stopped for speeding on the Colordo Utah boarder
    and after a discussion with the Officer about Bannana's, pockets and glad tidings to all he let me off with a warning
    and a farewell of "I am always on this strech of highway and I will be watching for you."
    My response "I feel so much better knowing that you Officer Pennywise will be looking out for me."
    WAIT WHAT??!!!!!



  3. #3
    Gold Member salsashark's Avatar
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    Re: LOLZ Cat and Calling in Sick to Work

    I have a good friend who's a paramedic... after hearing some of their tales of the insanely stupid, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised that the above is a true story.
    Do not put off living the life you dream of. Next year may never come. If we are always waiting for something to change...
    Retirement, the kids to leave home, the weather or the economy, that's not living. That's waiting!
    Waiting will only leaves us with unrealized dreams and empty wishes.

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