bar joke

[Mother Goose]

so this guy runs into a bar







































then he said, "ouch"

[Dr. Joe Siphek]

John Kerry walks into a bar...







Bartender says "Hey buddy why the long face???"





Thank you!

[1000RR]

A drunken old man walked into a bar. He yells at the bartender, "Bartender get me a tequila!" The bartender gets him a tequila.

The old man drinks it as fast as he can.

Then he looks around the bar and sees three large men at a table having some beers.

He points at one of them and says "You! I have slept with your mother!" The man looks at the old man then goes about drinking his beer.

Then the old man yells "Bartender! Get me another tequila!"

The bartender gets him another tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can.

Then he looks over at the three men. He points at another man and shouts

"You! Your mother gives me a blow job!"

The second man looks at the old man, then goes about drinking his beer.

Then the old man yells "Bartender! Get me another tequila!"

This time the bartender says "No, old man, you have had enough."

"Just one more!!" yells the old man.

So the bartender gets him one more tequila.

The old man drinks it as fast as he can.

Then looks at the three men. He points at the third man and shouts

"You! I eat out your mother!" The third man looks at the old man then looks at the other two men.

All three of them get up and start walking over to the old man.

Then they say "Come on dad, you have had too much to drink..."

[mclarke]

funny

[Fly boy]

heard to many times

[snatfinder]

So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

[DevilsTonic]

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get outof this highly dangerous situation?

If you do not know, see answer below:



Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

[salsashark]

Guy walks into the bar and orders 10 shots of tequila...

The bartender lines them up and the man starts pounding them down, one right after the other

The bartender, watching what's happening says, "Hey buddy, better take it easy, you could really hurt yourself."

Stopping for a brief moment, the man looks up and responds, "You'd drink like this if you had what I have."

"Oh yeah, what do you have?" asks the bartender.

Finishing off number 8 and picking up number 9, the guy pauses momentarily, looks up at the bartender and say, "a buck fifty."

[Keepitgreen]

Irish confidence


Jacques Chirac, the French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office
wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United
States when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is
Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news!How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "There is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand
men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks
and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to
one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin',
Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden changeof heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,
and decided there's no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand
prisoners."