Things Cops have been know to say

[Dr. Joe Siphek]

WHO SAYS COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?


Real things reportedly said by cops.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.

Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, of course we have a quota system. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right. We don't. Sign here."

Here is one I use: "So you didn't see the speed limit sign huh? Good thing it didn't say, 'BRIDGE OUT.' Sign here"

[shmoab]

I like this one.


Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam. "STOP! Police".

[Fly boy]

to add to that.... I was speeding and when asked the speeding limit i said the last sign I saw was a 75, it was really 65, then cop then said, "what you didn't see the big black and white signs?" and wrote me a 4 point speeding damn cops

[Anonymous]

to add to that.... I was speeding and when asked the speeding limit i said the last sign I saw was a 75, it was really 65, then cop then said, "what you didn't see the big black and white signs?" and wrote me a 4 point speeding damn cops

Damn them for what? Doing their job?
I know (as well as the next guy) that it sucks to get a ticket, but if you're breaking the law & you get caught, it's nobody's fault but your own.

[Jmetz]

Here is another one. I was on my way to Vegas a couple yrs ago and was haulin ass through Utah. I had a radar detector up on the windshield. Well it doesn't go off and I get nailed. I take it off the window and throw it on the floor. Cop pops is head in looks around and says "Looks like you need a better radar detector huh?" my response "yep you want this one?"

[rybo]

From the Golden Gate Canyon:

"Well DUH! didn't you think we might be patroling this road?"