"A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN"
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with
water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is
clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal
fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his
first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication.
His medications are safe to take because some stupid
commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that
they work as advertised.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his
employer's medical plan because some liberal union
workers fought their employers for paid medical
insurance - now Joe gets it too.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs.
Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man
liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing
industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo.
His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient
and its amount in the total contents because some
crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he
was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath.
The air he breathes is clean because some
environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws
to stop industries from polluting our air.
He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway
station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It
saves him considerable money in parking and
transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal
fought for affordable public transportation, which
gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with
excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid
holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union
members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's
employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed,he'll
get a worker compensation or unemployment check
because some stupid liberal didn't think he should
lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so
he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally
insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal
wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great
Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage
and his below-market federal student loan because some
elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government
would be better off if he was educated and earned more
money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in
addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he
attended a state funded university.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father
this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets
in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest
in the world because some America-hating liberal
fought for car safety standards to go along with the
tax-payer funded roads.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third
generation to live in the house financed by Farmers'
Home Administration because bankers didn't want to
make rural loans.
The house didn't have electricity until some
big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't
belong and demanded rural electrification.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired.
His father lives on Social Security and a union
pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating
liberal made sure he could take care of himself so
Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns
on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that
liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He
doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have
fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys
throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those
big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all,
I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take
care of themselves, just like I have."
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