Jeff Foxworthy on Colorado: "YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN COLORADO
WHEN...."
You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day.
You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.
Your sense of direction is; towards the mountains and away from the
mountains.
You're a meat eating vegetarian.
The bike on your car is worth more than your car.
You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a
raging blizzard without even flinching.
You take your out of town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would
never go there otherwise.
You think the major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire
Beer.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You think that sexy lingerie is tube sox and flannel PJs.
You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and
construction .
You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a team's victory.
You can never figure out why your out of town guests faint from altitude
sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get
to
work if there are 4 inches of snow.
You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.
When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and
not get a buzz.
Your car insurance costs more than your car.
You have surge protectors on every outlet.
April showers bring May blizzards.
'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been. Many times.
You know what a 'Chinook' is.
You know what a 'Rocky Mountain oyster' is.
You know what a 'fourteener' is.
But you don't know what a 'turn signal' is.
A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a
Democrat
in Congress does.
Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod.
You know who Alfred Packer was.
You know who Baby Doe Tabor was.
SPF 90 is not out of the question.
People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.
Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
Thunder has set off your car alarm.
A full moon has never kept you awake at night.
You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck.
A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.
You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.
"Where we're going, we don't need roads!!"
You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.
You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is.
You know where the real 'South Park' is.
You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.
Driving directions usually include 'Go over ____ Pass...'
You've used 'checking for ticks' as an excuse to get someone naked.
You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka.
You've gone skiing in July.
You've gone sunbathing in January.
They were both in the same year.
You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could 'run into
both oceans'.
And most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from
knowing
that California and Texas are both downstream.
You actually understand these jokes and send them to your friends.
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