NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

[salsashark]

Got this in an email from my Dad this morning.


'We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, and delusional. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.'

ARTICLE I:

You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:

You do not have the right to never be offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone --not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III:

You do not have the right to be free from harm.
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:

You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
This one is my pet peeves...get an education and go to work...don't expect everyone else to take care of you!

ARTICLE V:

You do not have the right to free health care.
That would be nice, but if it would turn out the same way as current public housing, we're not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI:

You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you put away for the rest of your sorry life.

ARTICLE VII:

You do not have the right to the possessions of others.
If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII:

You do not have the right to a job.
All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.


ARTICLE IX:

You do not have the right to happiness.
Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X:

This is an English speaking country.
We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!

(and last but not least....)

ARTICLE XI:

You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage.
This country was founded on the belief in one God. You are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all, with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

[Devaclis]

Uh-oh, Article 4 is gonna piss off a lot of Dems.

[BigE]

NICE!!!

Especially Art. X & XI

[MetaLord 9]

Yeah I'll drink to most of that

[Bebop]

I'll drink to that

[Vance]

I'll see you preamble and raise you some founding fathers:

[Shea]

Nice Salsa. Too bad most of the people in this country believe the exact opposite of most of that...

[King Nothing]

Nice Salsa. Too bad most of the people in this country believe the exact opposite of most of that...

Werd. Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people.

[Jason ON]

Article X:

Technically the United States does not have an "official" language, we merely have a language that is dominant. So this Article is false.

Article XI:

The United States of America was not founded under the idea of one god. If you don't believe me, take the word of John Adams:

". . . Thirteen governments [of the original states] thus founded on the natural authority of the people alone, without a pretence of miracle or mystery, and which are destined to spread over the northern part of that whole quarter of the globe, are a great point gained in favor of the rights of mankind."

As Seen Here

[bikernoj]

Sorry Article XI, but the "history" of the country is as a secular nation. In God We Trust was adopted as a slogan in the 1950's, not the 1750's.

And doesn't it clash with Article II?

[RCStylin']

Our history is also forever linked with the slave trade. Just because it's in our history, it doesn't mean it's right to do. You can believe in god...just don't force that on me in any way, shape or form. Believe what you want and let others do the same. That includes keeping it out of any form of law for this country.

[zetaetatheta]

What about article UTA (up the ass)? In this one the government will bail-out corporations to the tune of $1,000,000,000,000 for irresponsible behavior; therefore, fucking you, your children, their children and anyone else they can--killing Capitalism. Welcome to the "People's Republic of America"

[salsashark]

Well way to go Captain Buzzkill and the Bitch&Moan Commandos!

There's a reason I posted this in the "jokes & stuff" section. Take it at that... a light hearted bit of humor. Some of you peeps really need to step away from the computer and turn the tv off for a while.

[BigE]

Well way to go Captain Buzzkill and the Bitch&Moan Commandos!

There's a reason I posted this in the "jokes & stuff" section. Take it at that... a light hearted bit of humor. Some of you peeps really need to step away from the computer and turn the tv off for a while.

Now that is funny!

[King Nothing]

I find the general douche-baggery that permeates the CSC to not be too terribly humorous.

[puckstr]

fixed it


ARTICLE VI:

You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you hung by the neck untill DEAD!!!