Nuns & Gold

[YZFRydn]

Edit: Meant Nuns & Golf

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting: "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said: "You missed the ~censored~ putt, didn't you?"

[Zach929rr]

[YZFRydn]

Nurses are not supposed to laugh

'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. 'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thing' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it could not have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.

A few minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem with it ?'

...'It's swollen,' Fred replied.

She ran out of the room!

[dominatrix]

I can tell you from being a nurse... this goes on A LOT!!!! men, if you have more than 4 inches... you're packing!!!!

[Wyck]

I can tell you from being a nurse... this goes on A LOT!!!! men, if you have more than 4 inches... you're packing!!!!

Oh no say it aint so!!!

[dominatrix]

Im afraid so... I could never laugh at someone to their face, but boys, if you come to the hospital with an itty bitty winkie... be sure that the nurses are talking about it at the desk sorry

[GrlRdr]

That is hilarious!!

[YZFRydn]

The Priests bathtime

It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.
Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
“Oh, sister,” said the young nun dreamily, “I’ve been Saved.”
“Saved? And how did that come about?” asked the old nun.

“Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.”

“Did he?” said the old nun curiously.

Sister Magdalene continued, “And Father John said that if The Key to Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then, Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.”

“Is that a fact?” said the old nun even more curiously.

“At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my Heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.”

“That wicked old basturd” said the old nun. ”He told me it was Gabriel’s Horn and I’ve been blowing it for 40 years.”