"You're doing it all wrong. You've got to open your throat, relax your jaw, and cup the balls"
"You're doing it all wrong. You've got to open your throat, relax your jaw, and cup the balls"
Sounds like expert advice from a true professional.
Not my line, chief.Originally Posted by MAZIN
Sounds like expert advice from a true professional.
Last edited by Sean; Sat May 18th, 2013 at 12:51 PM.
lol
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir .
The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?
The wife smiles demurely and says,
Well dear you should be thankful your radardetector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?
The officer frowns and says, And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.
That's an automatic $75 fine.
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,
WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??
The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
(I love this part)
Only when he's been drinking.
Last edited by MAZIN; Thu Jun 23rd, 2011 at 09:09 AM.
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone ne, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest! friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific ! experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly
WIN!
Pretty sure Goose is under 21.
HMM And come to think of it i know that wolfeyez is not of age either. Im an Irish man but i will not produce beer to minor's i dont care if they drink or not im just not gonna give the beer to them. Therfore if you are not of age sorry your SOL on your free beer!!
this is the jokes section
~Travis~
It's okay...I'm a Doctor.
2003 GSX-R600 - Former LoveOriginally Posted by Keyser Soze
Everybody on CSC knows everything
2003 Kawasaki ZX6R - Former Love
1999 Suzuki TL1000R - Former Love
2004 DRZ400E - New Dirty
2002 KFX 650 - Quad
Meaning airplane right over my head...awesome well in any case i know wolfeyez is under age
Ahh youth, oh well im in for some swillin.
Why are you drunks not out riding?
89 EX500 RIP
06 R6S RIP
03 R6
I am unfortunately stuck at work and even when i decided yesterday to say f work and meet some people for a ride i got pulled over and got a speeding ticket...then missed the meetup and the group left!!
HoLEE ish!mmmmmm beer....
Because other than being smart, we know very little of the species.... I know that they are efficient, very well mannered, and more often than not, very quiet, non-intrusive, and very respectful.
Brilliant!
Why am I on the list? I never got offended? Doesn't that mean I'm supposed to help buy the beer if I did the offending? Also, does this mean we can offend all we want as long as buy a beer at the end of the day? If so, it's on!
Respect and truth trump all!
I don't get lost. I explore.
I'm offended that you're turning down free beer.
Chadwick
MRA #825
"You live more for five minutes going fast on a bike like that, than other people do in all of their life." - Marco Simoncelli
sooo. to re-cap... TWO free beers for everyone!
I'm offended that you're turning down free beer.
That makes two of us
I forgot to be offended by any of this. Maybe I need to peel back a few hundred layers of thick skin so that I can be offended too . . .
But, I do want free beer! The only thing better than free beer is free cold beer!
www.onthemarcphotography.com
This is my second favorite thread ever.
First rule of the internet: *bleep* you and everything you stand for. Second rule of the internet: FKZOR U AND RRYTHING U STND FR!
Fantastic! Get ready to toast!I'm offended that you're turning down free beer.
What's your first?
Respect and truth trump all!
I don't get lost. I explore.
The thread regarding a pizza joint on Federal that was going to start taking Pesos as payment for food. That was a good old thread.
First rule of the internet: *bleep* you and everything you stand for. Second rule of the internet: FKZOR U AND RRYTHING U STND FR!
Why am I on the list? I never got offended? Doesn't that mean I'm supposed to help buy the beer if I did the offending? Also, does this mean we can offend all we want as long as buy a beer at the end of the day? If so, it's on!
Its a half and half you get a beer for being offended because it makes me laugh that you got offended. OOOOORRRR you get a beer for offending someone else because it makes me laugh when your doing the offending! I however have not been offended or been an offender im just the ref for which offender, non offenders, or offendee's are receiving a free beer from me! The list explains it all cause the statement i jut wrote makes absolutely no sense!!
if your on the list you get a free beer on my behalf for making me laugh!
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