domestic violence.

[bulldog]

Yeah I have seen the damage last a long time. I see the same issues with rape victims. Had a female friend who was repeatedly raped as a kid and now over 30 she still has issues dealing with it; just talking about it is even hard for her and she went to counseling for years. I've know another one lady that basically is "bi-polar" from being molested as a kid and they feel her mental issues have a lot to do with those traumatic situations. As I said I was mentally abused as a kid and for the longest time I had very low self esteem and thought I was a ugly kid; followed me to adulthood and I have learned how to deal with those issues, but amazes me how much that affected me.

This may be the saddest part because the abuser doesn't realize they leave emotional scares that last for a lifetime.

[Mel]

This may be the saddest part because the abuser doesn't realize they leave emotional scares that last for a lifetime.

In many cases, the abuser doesn't realize that they ARE an abuser...it's not intentional, it's not a conscious decision (most of the time) to say/do the things that they do with the implicit intent to harm. While I know that *some* parents are less than ideal, but as a vast majority, a parent doesn't intend to scare their child, or make them feel squashed or worthless, but they do it unintentionally.
I know this isn't going to be popular just as a result of other discussions on here, but take a child...a toddler. You think you should spank them when they misbehave, right? Teach them that there is a little pain with bad decisions? Look at that toddler as a 5 or 6 year old now...old enough to understand right and wrong and make conscious decisions...you realize that that same child cringes away when you reach to take something away from them? Or when you yell at them for taking a cookie when they didn't ask? Is that because you've taught them to appropriately "respect your authority", or because they are terrified of the physical ramifications of your anger?
Sorry to some of the "old school" parents...but respect is EARNED, even from your child, not just given because you provided them genetic material.

[Kim-n-Dean]

I'm sitting in a meeting, bored, so I read a lot of this thread and all I have to say is thank god Kim can take a punch!!!

[Mel]

I'm sitting in a meeting, bored, so I read a lot of this thread and all I have to say is thank god Kim can take a punch!!!

I'm reading this thinking...man you're going to get your ass kicked when you get home ;-)

[The Black Knight]

In many cases, the abuser doesn't realize that they ARE an abuser...it's not intentional, it's not a conscious decision (most of the time) to say/do the things that they do with the implicit intent to harm. While I know that *some* parents are less than ideal, but as a vast majority, a parent doesn't intend to scare their child, or make them feel squashed or worthless, but they do it unintentionally.
I know this isn't going to be popular just as a result of other discussions on here, but take a child...a toddler. You think you should spank them when they misbehave, right? Teach them that there is a little pain with bad decisions? Look at that toddler as a 5 or 6 year old now...old enough to understand right and wrong and make conscious decisions...you realize that that same child cringes away when you reach to take something away from them? Or when you yell at them for taking a cookie when they didn't ask? Is that because you've taught them to appropriately "respect your authority", or because they are terrified of the physical ramifications of your anger?
Sorry to some of the "old school" parents...but respect is EARNED, even from your child, not just given because you provided them genetic material.

I don't know, I'll have to disagree with you on some of that. For me, growing up I was taught to show respect for my elders regardless of who they are. I knew that if I disrespected an elder and my parents heard about it, I'd get nailed for it.

Same with spanking. I can remember way back, in fact my earliest memories are from when I was 2 years old. Most of it is fragmented up until the age of 4 or 5 when I really remember a lot of my childhood. I will say this, I didn't start getting spanked until I was around 5 or 6, lasting all the way up til I was around 12-13ish. From my dad, I'd get the belt or hand spanked. From my mom, it was either slapped in the mouth/face or wooden spoon on the hands. Same with my Grandparents if they disciplined me.

The thing is, you can't not spank your children. Spanking a child teaches them several lessons. One, being the obvious is that you're getting pain for doing wrong. It's a hard lesson but one that must be learned. Two, you're learning why you're getting spanked. My parents always told me the reasons why I was getting spanked. The best part about it?? I never did the same thing twice. Third, you're learning a little self humiliation. You must learn to be humble and be willing to be humiliated in order to learn your lesson. Nothing embarrassed me more than being spanked in public. I didn't care about the pain I was going to feel, I just knew other people were going to see me get spanked for being unruly. That's why I learned my lessons and learned them well.

Which is why I'm dumbfounded by people who can't control their own children in public. People let children scream at restaurants, let them be loud and noisy in movie theaters, let them throw temper tantrums in public, etc. etc... For me growing up, if I got out of line in public, Dad either gave me a very stern verbal warning, and then the next time I was off to the restroom with him for a spanking. I was always within arms reach of him. Yet, parents nowadays don't secure their children and make the rest of us suffer because of it. As an adult now, nothing infuriates me more than parents who let their kids run off at the mouth and not control them in public. It takes all the self control I have to not want to go over and punch the dad, slap the mom and then put the bratty kid over my knee for a spanking.

Of all the times I was disciplined physically. Never once did I look at it as abuse. I knew I screwed up and this was my punishment. Every spanking/discipline I got, I earned it.. I never winced away from an adult if they came at me fast, or have issues of panic attacks when someone raises their voice.

But see I grew up in a very strict and disciplined home. My dad was preparing me to be a man one day and I thank him completely for the lessons he taught me. I agree with you, beating a child is wrong and should not be tolerated. However, spanking/disciplining a child is correct in my opinion and should be done accordingly. My parents never beat me, they taught me lessons, lessons that I needed to learn. Being an only child I was taught, that the world will not help you, and you will have to learn to help yourself. I was taught, rely on no one and only yourself. I was also taught to defend those who can't defend themselves(however, a domestic altercation is something I don't get in the middle of).

Lastly, I don't post personal information. One thing I've learned from The Godfather is, "never tell anybody out side the family what you're thinking." And I hold true to that for the most part. I only share what I feel necessary but as a rule I'm a private person and I feel my background, my personal life are no ones business.

But I feel I must share this. My mother was a victim of physical abuse from her first husband(obviously not my Dad - her second husband). You know what, everyone on here talks about how women are afraid to leave because of the monetary problems, or the feeling of lack of worth. I'm here to tell you my Mother defied all those excuses. She is the exception and not the rule. Her first husband beat her once and ONCE was enough. She packed her things, left and immediately filed for divorce. For sure it ruined her financially, the divorce wrecked her credit and life for a short time. But it's all in what made her stronger and made her the woman she is today. She didn't need pity, she didn't need for someone to save her. She called her brother(my uncle former CSPD) to come get her as she couldn't drive. He picked up, went to the hospital, got fixed and moved on from there. She never once let her abuser take control of her. Now 35 years later, she's happily married to my Dad, who changed her view on men. He stepped up and delivered what her first husband couldn't.

So you people wonder why I wouldn't step in and break up a domestic problem. Because I have living proof that it can be done and the woman can have the strength to walk away.







P.S.(this isn't directed at you Mel, it's for others who think me scared)
I ain't scared of anything. My belief in my Creator gives me full strength to handle any problem(s) that come my way. I'm not a world class fighter or trained in all forms of fighting. I can hold my own and I ain't afraid to throw punches. I've never been one to back down of handling a situation with my hands. But put a gun in my hand and I really ain't scared of sh*t.....

[Kim-n-Dean]

I'm reading this thinking...man you're going to get your ass kicked when you get home ;-)

You are probably right!!

Damn BK, you took the words right out of my mouth. I was spanked, never beaten. Never saw it as abuse. To this day when Kim meets my family members, the first thing they tell her is how well behaved my brother and I were. We behaved out of respect, not fear. There was no way I was going to embarrass or cause problems for my Mom in public.

I want to do the same things you mentioned, when in public and some little shit factory is running around out of control!! I'm so embarrassed for the parents and they just don't give a shit. They act like it's their right to have their booger eater invading my life.

With just about every kid (and adult) being addicted to social media and parents inability to discipline their kids, it's pretty frightening to think how things are going to be years down the road.

As a side note - I am VERY proud to say that I have never had a Face Book account and I have never even seen Twitter...

[The Black Knight]

You are probably right!!

Damn BK, you took the words right out of my mouth. I was spanked, never beaten. Never saw it as abuse. To this day when Kim meets my family members, the first thing they tell her is how well behaved my brother and I were. We behaved out of respect, not fear. There was no way I was going to embarrass or cause problems for my Mom in public.

I want to do the same things you mentioned, when in public and some little shit factory is running around out of control!! I'm so embarrassed for the parents and they just don't give a shit. They act like it's their right to have their booger eater invading my life.

With just about every kid (and adult) being addicted to social media and parents inability to discipline their kids, it's pretty frightening to think how things are going to be years down the road.

As a side note - I am VERY proud to say I do not have a Face Book account and I have never even seen Twitter...

Same here, ditched Facebook almost 5 years ago and had MySpace ever so briefly. I don't do Twitter and don't ever care to. I mainly used Facebook to post cool videos I'd find on YouTube for my friends, instead of bombing them with a link in a text message. Figured if I threw it up there they could watch it whenever. Alas, I didn't care for all the drama and BS alerts you get when someone posts they just had a sandwich for lunch. I had very little personal info there and had some photos but that was about it.

I really do take that quote from The Godfather to heart. "Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again." There's stuff I'll share with co-workers(which is usually very limited), stuff I'll share with close friends, stuff I only share with my parents and then there's stuff only I know about. I play everything close to the vest and share nothing unless I want to. I can't stand those who meet you for the first time and 5 minutes into the conversation you know whats going on in their private life. I never have the heart to ask those kinds of people, "Didn't your parents every raise you to have a filter??"

[bulldog]

I think there is a difference between abuse and discipline. I have the best mom ever, but she slapped me a few times growing up. Yet when I think about it I deserved every one and it did teach me respect. I never once thought of it as abuse and am actually thankful for it now; have friends that were not disciplined and they turned out to be bad adults. Even to this day I would never disrespect my mom and I look at kids nowadays yelling and cursing at their parents and it really saddens me.

I am not a parent so it is hard for me to say what works though I do think nowadays it would be harder to be a parent. You can't hit a kid, social media, technology, etc just seem to make a kid grow up faster. As a kid if I found a Playboy it would be crazy, but now I think how kids can get on the internet and have hardcore porn. Pretty much any info is at their fingertips; I know people say they block it, but reality is some kids are better at technology than their parents and find ways.


P.S. I do not have a Facebook account either or a MySpace! F*ck that shit, caused more drama than it was worth.....

[#1Townie]

Things crossed the lines a small number of times. I think there is a very fine line that parents need to maintain and maybe a moment to think about the proper punishment would be a good idea.

Fact is there is a difference between beat and discipline. If you're using a 2x4 its no longer punishment.

On the flip side I can talk about a very close childhood friend who's parents were her friends. That whole situation went downhill real quick.

It was our drug house. Amazing how when we first started hanging out we couldn't even go into the house. Lol. Next thing I know I'm eating acid with her dad and smoking meth at the kitchen table.

Like I said a fine line. Too much of either way all seems to have the same consequences.

Dean do you need a security guard when you get home? Lol.

Bk I actually understand your point from your first post. I actually swore off helping people a few times. I can't seem to keep that promise to myself. Lol. Guess I will always be dumb enough to stick my nose into situations.

[The Black Knight]

I've never sworn off helping people. There's just some instances where I will not intervene man.