Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?


Customer: A white one...


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.


Customer: Your left or my left?


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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..


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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?


Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.


Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?


Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.


Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.


Customer: OK


Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?


Customer: Yes


Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.


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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.


Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?


Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.


Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?


Customer: Five dots.


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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?


Customer: Netscape.


Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.


Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..


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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


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Tech support: How may I help you?


Customer: I'm writing my first email.


Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?


Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?


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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.


Tech support: Are you running it under windows?


Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'


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Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'


Customer: I don't have a P.


Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.


Customer: What do you mean?


Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.


Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!