Who is Jack Schitt?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We
find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond
in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious
couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt,
Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a
son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two
of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the
Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens
children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He
recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa
Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can
correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
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